Jasima Speaks Up

2009-07-21T23:22:00.000-07:00

**set aside the sect divides. this boi is tooooo cute**

2009-07-21T00:27:00.000-07:00

my first arabic lesson @ Al-Markaz

i am lost in the ocean.

my textbook does not even have a single familiar english alphabet.

i shud have started from intro but in the end i just jumped to MSA 1.

but its ok la. there's always hope. managed to catch at least some fishes in the ocean.

plus the class is so interactive and conversational! this is the best way to learn!

i will practice hard this week so that i can stay float next week.

Yanti's friend Huzaima is also in the same class as me.

met Yanti and her another friend OOps-i-forgot-her-beautiful-name after class!

they are all nice, warm and friendly.

funnie ting is that each one of us followed Yanti somewhere, me to Tioman, Huzaima to Morroca and the other gal to Jakarta wahahahaha

even though i reached home only at 11 after a really loong n exhausting day, the journey back home laughing all the way has actually lightened my heart and yeah im alittle refreshed nw, even to slp =P...so im just slackin n tinkin abt the tasks at hand over my hot tea...

and of course about another extremely stressful decision that i wish i don't ever have to make!!

k la i shall heck alittle and just enjoy whatever i am learning right now! Islam, Arabic, Music...all blessings from the Almighty...

When You Do Things from Your Soul, You Feel a River Moving in You, a Joy.

so whatever it is, i shall do it, from my soul and i shall not be a quitter anymore ;-) i'm a fighter! i'm a Muslim!

2009-07-20T00:15:00.000-07:00

we share the same birthdate

met amin just now @ MY fav hangout, bb macdonald's =P. i spent an hour waiting for him to arrive. but that's fine, he had his reason and i accept that. at least after that we spent about 3 hours talking.

yes, i realise we can click and we do have quite alot in common, even our birthdates =P and, that's freaky.

he is a decent, wad-u-see-is-wad-u-get kind of outspoken person and is religious. religiosity is very important to me now and a hard to come by trait these days in this largely Godless society.

although my parents keep pestering me, all i can say is...so-far-so-good...

well, i am taking this slow and i am going to be very patient. who i am going to marry is going to be one of my most careful life decisions. same for amin.

inshaallah, God will show us the way...

2009-07-18T14:34:00.000-07:00

i am extremely disappointed at the cancellation (im referrin to zakir naik's talk. in case someone thinks otherwise in future =P). i can write a looong essay on my feelings right now but i shall not "provoke" as that's the word my dad used to describe my sms.

but i already said in my previous post: "From the book that i am reading, this oppression and suppression of the truth has been anticipated and it is God's will. This is the biggest test."

in summary:

life in today's misguided society is like raising kids from inside a brothel and teaching them that illegal sexual intercourse is wrong. wad they see and experience is in complete contrast to what the guided people teach them. it is 95% (misguidance) vs 5% (guidance).

2009-07-18T01:50:00.001-07:00

ZAKIR NAIK TALK IS CANCELLED

:'-(

As extracted from Darul Arqam's website:

"Due to unforseen circumstances, we are unable to obtain the Public Entertainment License (PEL) that is needed to organize the planned Public Talk / In-House Talk by Dr Zakir Naik. Therefore, the Public Talk / In House Talk is cancelled.

We wish to thank you for your support and interest to the talk. Please look out for our future talks, Insha Allah."

I was soooo looking forward to the talk :'-(

2009-07-17T23:08:00.000-07:00

Click. And i am back, calm, peaceful and blissful B-)

OOooh yeah, yeah, yeah...

Just now, Yanah forwaded me an sms that her friend sent her which summarises all i feel (in the context of religion) =P Precisely because it was backed with strong knowledge. And, yeah, i have already realised that i can't do much with just a spiritual awakening that i am experiencing now. That is a light from God, a spark. He just opened my internal eye.

Now, i am on a journey to trace back and increase myself in knowledge so that i can put across the truth properly. I have to.

Currently, i am like a baby who is just learning to talk. Or you can say, a mute who wants to express something but does not know how. I do not have the means, the knowledge. But, my internal eye has opened to see the light in this darkness. And that's spiritual awakening. I cannot explain that any further.

Although, i really want to reproduce that loong message, i think i better not. It is truth but this is not the right time and place for that. It would be deemed too sensitive. I know.

From the book that i am reading, this oppression and suppression of the truth has been anticipated and it is God's will. This is the biggest test.

Complete misguidance has taken over the world. Everyone is working towards something. You read it all the time, you hear it all the time, you watch it all the time. Everyone is crazily working towards making more money and gaining the most power AND having the most fun (at the expense of all moral values) Tell me no? But let me ask, and then? And then? And then? Is there an end to this? Is that SOLELY what you are here for? Do you not question?

Islam means submission. So, what are we here for?

Decide now, whose side are you? The rightly guided or the misguided?

Are we going to go with the flow and follow the misguided society and go with them to achieve the purely worldly goals OR are we going to follow God's commands and live righteously? <-- here lies the test.

We just need to question, learn and then share and pull those we can, away from the wrong grips of today's society.

A BIG challenge indeed.

2009-07-16T21:38:00.000-07:00

battle

i feel that im going through one of the greatest struggles with myself in months.

and, the sad thing is that i never asked to be put in this position. so, why did you come running to me and then now you go running away from me and i'm left in a difficult position and i do not know how i should react or feel?

i have so many things in my "to-do list" but past few days, i just can't get anything done. i must admit that i am completely distracted by this.

this is terrible. i hate being nice but lookin foolish in the end. but if this is meant to humble me, then yeah i'm humbled enough...

as soon as i recover from one hit, i find myself having to face another one...i do not want to get KO-ed.

to think, why should i be? if these are tests, then i should just let it happen and be strong and face whatever comes along.

nvm, God is with me.

i will never walk alone =P (and no, i do not watch soccer)

and so, i'll be fine and it won't take long before my heart settles down and feels calm n focused all over again = )

2009-07-14T23:29:00.000-07:00

i truly wish, from the bottom of my heart...that i can find a life partner who would think and feel the same way as i do or more strongly than me...

if u love God above all, then i think i can love you.

i am feeling increasingly alone with my thoughts and feelings.

i wonder if anybody near me feels it as strongly as i do?

i can cry every night contemplating how far away we have gone from Islam and i get goosebumps recalling how i too was once carried away with all the misguidance...

Alhamdulillah i am still alive to make a change....what if i had died as a disbeliever...i shudder to think...

it sucks wen all u want is to try and wake your close ones so that they do not go along with the blind people all around them....but, they just don't get you!

and, i cannot live with this. i cannot ignore it. i must at least try to drag them away from the pull of this Godless society. and, i will.

only God knows how i really feel deep inside :'-(

2009-07-13T23:19:00.000-07:00

"just as Dajjal has the word Kafir (disbeliever) written between his eyes on his forehead so too is Kufr (disbelief) indelibly imprinted on the face of this civilisation"

mashaallah, it is so true...

i came across that statement in the book i'm reading and it keeps ringing in my head. it hits the spot and i feel emotional about it. cannot help it.

2009-07-13T18:15:00.000-07:00

i should be a contortionist

my thumb can touch my forearm with ease. no effort needed.

i don't know if i should feel special or abnormal =P

but it's due to this hypermobility syndrome that i have intense pains radiating from my ankles and wrists. because of this ability to stretch beyond the normal range of movement, i sometimes end up straining myself without even realising. i apparently do not know what is "normal" range of movement.

simple activities like writing can be strenuous to my wrists and cause intense pain. AND YES, LAST NIGHT I WAS WRITING. not used to it, maybe.

and my ankles hurt bad probably because of too much walking around arab street and orchard with yanah yesterday. maybe it is not really too much but then too much for ME. sighz~ the stuff that i have to live with...

and every month i have to sprain my neck or shoulders at least once...

walking, running, cycling, playin guitar...everything hurts bad. but still, i love them heehee~

there are people out there with worst ailments. so i should just condone this and shut it up with painkillers and rest to recover temporarily.

...

yesterday, yanah and i went book shopping and i got myself another english translation of the Holy Quran, this time by Abdullah Yusuf Ali. I also got the first volume of a series on the History of Islam.

i am still not done with Imran Hosein's "An Islamic View of Gog and Magog in the Modern World". but sheeesh~, it's already waking me up to alot of things that the Quran and the prophets said would happen and is happening now, all around us!! i feel like i'm waking up from a really deep slumber to reality!

contrary to popular belief....YES, i am starting to believe that Gog and Magog have indeed already been released!

2009-07-12T01:33:00.000-07:00

zikir

my arabic class will only start on 20th as i have decided to go on to msa 1 instead of startin from scratch in intro...

actually, something "bad" has happened. Allah knows what. i do not know if i should classify it as "bad" actually. because, every incident happens for a reason. only our perceptions make it "good" or "bad". there is surely something auspicious in every incident. and inshaallah, i would find 1 or 2 good qualities to add to my character from this experience.

that's my perception of that incident right now. Alhamdulillah.

i feel different when i can't pray and fast. and with this incident, i had to do something. i forgot that i can always zikir. but, God does not forget. and so, he sent shafina to call me to attend zikir just now.

after the zikir session, i feel refreshed and renewed with a better perspective of the whole situation. Alhamdulillah.

khalifah asked if they all could come over to my place for zikir. i said sure because of course i'd be more than happy to have them over.

but then he asked if my parents accept this zikir. and that's a no-no still. sighz~ so, he asked to tell them slowly and to bring them for the sessions and he would talk to them.

i came back home and invited my parents for the upcoming session. dad immediately disagreed and said he does not believe in all these. mum said she asked ustaz and he said it is not permissible to zikir in the dark and that we cannot do it loud or with movements.

sighz~ why are they all concluding before even trying out? i just want them to come and experience it once, just once. i think they have really haywire perceptions of this whole thing. it is actually not what they think. if only they'd just try.

but dad still said i can have them over if i wish to = ) heehee~

i don't understand why he can be so active with all these resident's committee functions... even tmr morning, he is going for some lame walk, i believe with the mp.... but then, he would vehemently disagree to attend just ONE zikir session, for the sake of Allah, just to try out.... sighz~

Only Allah Knows.

2009-07-10T20:36:00.000-07:00

this is how we are FREE in this ENSLAVED world!

That's a line i stole from the translation of the qasida, "Ghuraba"

With God's blessings, i have successfully unentangled myself from the grips of secularism!

Now i am a free spirit guided only by God's light.

Islam is the only way to live. Where did secularism come from?

Man's words or God's words? You decide.

I do not feel empty anymore. My heart is filled with light! No matter what happens in the day, i still go to bed with nothing weighing my heart down. And i wake up the same way. I sleep like a baby these days.

I am no longer direction-less. I know the sole purpose of life. Never felt empty in more than three months. Never fell into great despair in more than three months.

Yeah, quite sad at times only when it concerns my faith. I'd like to keep that sadness in some part of my heart as it helps to strengthen my faith.

I have realised the importance of keeping yourself in the close company of people on the straight path.

And since this is the truth, everyone will find out one day. It is just a matter of whether you realise while you are still alive or when you are dead (then it be too late).

Repent. Seek His forgiveness. Seek His Guidance. Keep yourself in the close company of those who are on the straight path. Then, think and search. Inshaallah, God will unseal your heart and show you lasting peace.

You can never fill every emptiness in every corner of your heart until you believe in the truth. No, you cannot find true peace by following any man-made way of life. There is only one true way of life. And that is Islam.

And, i'd repeat, my heart is filled with light! Alhamdulillah~

Allahu Akhbar.

2009-07-10T00:50:00.000-07:00

habib, shafina and their mum came over just now to sell a book by Imran N. Hosein titled, "An Islamic View of Gog and Magog in the Modern World". The proceeds would go to the madrasah they are setting up in Germany. Alhamdulillah.

just last night i was actually watching a lecture by Imran Hosein without realising it was him =P until Habib pointed out to me just now.

i was really intrigued by his lecture and my heart kept going, "YEAH YEAH YOU'RE RIGHT ON!" because hardly anyone thinks that way these days. we are all too intuned with this dunia. wad can i say?

i can't wait to read the book!

2009-07-08T22:34:00.000-07:00

Dr Zakir Naik is coming to Singapore. Alhamdulillah. He is the man i mentioned in my past post, If God created everything, then who created God?

In that post, i included a video of him answering that question.

Inshaallah, we can attend and listen to the following talks that he will holding here. Can call Darul Arqam @ 6348 8344 to verify.

Quran & Modern Science - Conflict or Conciliatory? by Dr Zakir Naik

Public Talk
Host: People of Darul Arqam Singapore
Type: Education - Lecture
Network: Global
Date: Saturday, July 18, 2009
Time: 8:00pm - 11:00pm
Location: Suntec City Exhibition Hall 404, Level 4
Street: 1 Raffles Boulevard
City/Town: Singapore, Singapore
Phone: 6563488344
Email: eddstaff@darul-arqam.org.sg

Similarities Between Islam & Christianity by Fariq Naik & Dr Zakir Naik

Public Talk
Host: People of Darul Arqam Singapore
Type: Education - Lecture
Network: Global
Date: Sunday, July 19, 2009
Time: 2:00pm - 5:00pm
Location: Suntec City Exhibition Hall 404, Level 4
Street: 1 Raffles Boulevard
City/Town: Singapore, Singapore
Phone: 6563488344
Email: eddstaff@darul-arqam.org.sg

2009-07-07T22:23:00.000-07:00

Goodbye Michael :'-(

Ooh ooh ooh aah
Gotta make a change
For once in my life
It's gonna feel real good
Gonna make a difference
Gonna make it right

As I turned up the collar on
A favorite winter coat
This wind is blowin' my mind
I see the kids in the street
With not enough to eat
Who am I to be blind
Pretending not to see their needs

A summer's disregard
A broken bottle top
And a one man's soul
They follow each other
On the wind ya' know
'Cause they got nowhere to go
That's why I want you to know

I'm starting with the man in the mirror
I'm asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself and then make a change, yey
Na na na, na na na, na na na na oh ho

I've been a victim of
A selfish kinda love
It's time that I realize
There are some with no home
Not a nickel to loan
Could it be really pretending that they're not alone

A willow deeply scarred
Somebody's broken heart
And a washed out dream
(Washed out dream)
They follow the pattern of the wind ya' see
'Cause they got no place to be
That's why I'm starting with me

I'm starting with the man in the mirror
I'm asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself and then make a change

I'm starting with the man in the mirror
I'm asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself and then make that change

I'm starting with the man in the mirror
(Man in the mirror, oh yeah)
I'm asking him to change his ways, yeah
(Change)
No message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself and then make the change
You gotta get it right, while you got the time
'Cause when you close your heart
(You can't close your, your mind)
Then you close your mind

(That man, that man, that man)
(That man, that man, that man)
(With the man in the mirror, oh yeah)
(That man you know, that man you know)
(That man you know, that man you know)
I'm asking him to change his ways
(Change)
No message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself then make that change

(Na na na, na na na, na na na na)
Ooh
Oh yeah
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
(Na na na, na na na, na na na na)

Oh no
Oh no, I'm gonna make a change
It's gonna feel real good
Sure mon
(Change)
Just lift yourself
You know, you got to stop it yourself
(Yeah)
Oh
Make that change
(I gotta make that change today, oh)
(Man in the mirror)
You got to, you got to not let yourself, brother oh
Yeah
You know that
(Make that change)
(I gotta make that make me then make)
You got, you got to move
Sure mon, sure mon
You got to
(Stand up, stand up, stand up)
Make that change
Stand up and lift yourself, now
(Man in the mirror)
Make that change
(Gonna make that change, sure mon)
(Man in the mirror)
You know it, you know it, you know it, you know
(Change)
Make that change

*ishh, these are THE lyrics....G.O.L.D.E.N :'-( .... wad sex, booze, drugs n crap these days?*

2009-07-07T21:12:00.000-07:00

love drives u.

hate kills u.

i choose to love.

and thus, i am free and peaceful.

2009-07-06T23:30:00.000-07:00

i need to stretch my life

i had a great time with rev today. only that she muz have been worn out trying to get me to do the right stuff! =P

wahahaha!

i just signed up for the al-markaz arabic course...i got to start from the intro as the lady told me that i need to be able to read n write arabic if i want to go straight to Modern Standard Arabic grade 1....but im nt even confident with readin n writin so i shall stick to intro!

inshaallah i'll be startin this saturday.

i hope soon i can spend more time AWAY from my facebook and blog so that i can focus on all my tasks at hand...because i realise that's going to give me sooo much more time to spend on worthwhile stuff...stuff that i truly love!

in any case, my site stats are dropping so much!

in future, i really have a dream of converting jasimasyed.blogspot.com to a knowledge sharing website....i mean on Islam....

but, before that...i first need to go study harder....

at least now i finally know what i want to study. but i have so much things to work on.

1) our project
2) trinity music exam
3) learn Arabic
4) learn Islam

all those are stuff that i love to do, from the bottom of my heart....finally, everything's falling into place...n i really mean it wen i say e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g

i am basking in love for God. and i do not want to come out of this. im so filled with graciousness, beyond what words can express.

2009-07-06T13:51:00.000-07:00

FRIENDS

went swimming early yesterday morning with yanah and yanti @ bb pool. it was funny wahahaha but we only stayed for awhile as we were enticed by our mac breakfast plans n stomachs were growling so got out fast...

glad that yanah and yanti seem to be able to click easily. i was confident of that. because, all my friends definitely have something in common. and that is............A GOOD SENSE OF HUMOUR.

if u are imaginative and lame, then we can click! heehee~

i tink if i put all of my friends in the same room, even if some groups don't know the other, think very soon the room will be filled with chatter wahahahahahaha!

all same category...interesting discovery~

i just got to pray that God continues to bless me with good influences....

...

i have finally enabled my archives again. all old photos or videos which have me inside have been removed. so, if there are some posts which do not click or something just seems to be missing somewhere, then it must be a removed photo or video. just ignore it.

...

now i'm just chillin at home and eagerly waiting for rev to arrive....

2009-07-05T00:21:00.000-07:00

I have decided that i will continue to blog but will try to stay away from dawa until i gain more knowledge and adopt a different attitude and approach.

That time will arrive soon, Inshaallah. Ameen.

This is going to be quite hard actually because, these days, every single issue, i connect it with Islam. My life revolves around it. For waking me up and answering all my questions and filling my heart with lasting peace, joy and hope, i strongly feel that i owe my life to Him.

But of course, at the same time, i want to employ the right approach. I do not want a person to start hating Islam more. That would defeat my purpose.

I started thinking about this after reading my own past blog entry on Religiosity (http://jasimasyed.blogspot.com/2008/07/religiosity.html). That was how i thought in the past and that's how many would be thinking also.

I will be back at this really soon. HeeHee!
...

Met Yanah just now to play guitar at our same old fav hangout, queenstown open top garden =P

We thought of learning a meaningful song but ended up mostly talking hehehehe

Ish, first time i carried a guitar with my tudung. Of course, i got lots of weird stares and even my parents laughed at me! Wallow!

But, nvm la. Cannot meh?

Why? Must have short, dyed and styled hair then can carry ar? Those times nobody gave me these kind of stares!

Its ok! I don't care! Wahahahahaha!

...

I finally revealed to Yanah something really close to my heart that only nana and ai ling know. Knowing that Yanah knows the history, i felt extremely skeptical to tell her. Damn me! But today, i told her and what she said is encouraging.

If i do it but fail, at least i will know i tried.

If i don't do it and keep it to myself and watch things just pass me by then that's quite sad isn't it?

Yanah and nana told me the same stuff.

So, should i?

...

Later, i will be conducting swimming lessons for Yanah and Yanti =P wahahahahaha

So excited, but gotta go there early as Yanti quite paiseh to be seen in her spiderman suit =P

Good night!

2009-07-03T23:42:00.000-07:00

im a Ghuraba (Stranger), even to my own brothers

went to al-ameen for dinner with my family.
each time i talked about religion, my bro asked me to change topic.
my tambi said, "i tink you are strange!"

after dinner, on our way back...

i talked to dad again about religion.
and my bro shut me up, yet again.

he had to recall the past incident where i was so angry and cursed at all the foreigners who crossed my path as we walked down serangoon road.
he said even he can be tolerant.

i tot about it and i replied, "when i did that, i wasn't even a Muslim ok."

and then i could not stop crying because when i talk rubbish and crap, everyone wants to listen and join in. when i share truth, i just get shut up.
and they just keep pointing to past incidents when i was not even a Muslim.

dad said, "even the prophets were made fun of. did they cry and all? if u want to spread the message, you must be strong. else, they wun listen, they would just laugh at you and make fun of you more. make them interested in your faith by setting a good example."

well, i did not cry because i was not strong or started doubting my faith.
no.
i was just reeli sad at the state of tings..

maybe, i should really change the way i share the truth.

so until then, i am going to shut up.

this does not mean that i have failed nor does it mean that i have given up on my mission to spread the message.

i am going to re-work my strategies.

maybe because too much realisations came together too quickly that i feel overwhelmed and i may have become too aggressive in my attempts to share....

AGAIN, THIS DOES NOT MEAN THAT I HAVE GIVEN UP.
GOD DID NOT WAKE ME UP FOR NOTHING.
I LOVE GOD MORE THAN ANYTHING AND ANYONE.
I FEAR NONE BUT GOD.

i will return soon!

below is a beautiful and fitting qasida. unfortunately, it makes me cry even more.

PS: do not mistake the word "jihad" that is used in the video. jihad is not only what you read in the media. i am not a terrorist ok. do not mistake me anyhow. click here to read more on The Concept of Jihad ("Struggle") in Islam

I like...

Putting "Allah ahead of our loved ones, our wealth, our worldly ambitions and our own lives."
Resisting pressure of parents, peers and society; strive against "the rejecters of faith..." (Quran 25:52)
"...strive and struggle to live as true Muslims..."
"Striving for righteous deeds."
Spreading the message of Islam. "The (true) believers are only those who believe in Allah and his messenger and afterward doubt not, but strive with their wealth and their selves for the cause of Allah. Such are the truthful." (Quran, 49:15)

Since i fear none but God, i AM strong enough to take any insults that come my way.

I cry not because i feel defeated, i cry because i feel sad at how far people go to poke fun at the truth but they listen, watch and follow with mouths wide open at everything shaitan (be it mtv, a lame bollywood movie etc etc).

When they listen and watch such stuff, they do not question, they do not say anything. The next day, they also try to follow their idols. Wear micro mini shorts (fashion now huh?) and dress and behave immodestly, just like their idols. What can i say? That is fair-seeming to them. They do not question that. They just follow.

But when it comes to the truth, they have to detest you.

I am taking a break to go on some sort of really personal spiritual retreat. Maybe, i am just becoming very aggressive in my attempts and that's making people really defensive. In the past, before realisations, i myself have wrote a post on this: http://jasimasyed.blogspot.com/2008/07/religiosity.html

So i guess, i really got to take a break to calm down and recollect myself.

BUT LET ME TELL YOU, I AM NOT DEFEATED. I WILL RETURN!

AND, I WILL NOT DESPAIR BECAUSE ISLAM FILLS MY HEART WITH LASTING JOY AND HOPE.

Allahu Akhbar!

2009-07-02T21:43:00.000-07:00

Islam is not a part of Life. Life is a part of Islam.

:'-(

Islam and secularism do not mix.

Dear Muslims, shall i invite you to think?

What is the definition of secularism? (as extracted from dictionary.com)

"secular spirit or tendency, esp. a system of political or social philosophy that rejects all forms of religious faith and worship."

"the view that public education and other matters of civil policy should be conducted without the introduction of a religious element."

"religious skepticism or indifference."

"the view that religious considerations should be excluded from civil affairs or public education."

now, that's the "modern" world. but, does it click with Islam?

good thing is, we still have choices here. we are not forced into anything. are we? we just need to be very aware and make the right choices else we are in danger of deviating from Islam.

sometimes, even parents are carried away by "secularism". that is really sad.

i know we are not living in an Islamic state. thus, parents have a heavier responsibility in guiding their kids.
...

Ya Allah, there is not a second that my heart does not weep...at the misguidance around me...

Truly, with Your blessings, realisations are overwhelming...

Now, You have lifted the veil from my heart, and i see the world in a completely different light...

I really see alot of strange people around me...in their own make believe worlds....can't believe that i used to be 1 of them...

But, if now, i seem strange...its alright. Allah knows....

Listen to this lecture:

2009-07-01T20:35:00.000-07:00

what i mean is: Islam is not just A PART of life. it is a WAY OF LIFE.

2009-07-01T00:41:00.000-07:00

I AM NOT A SLAVE OF WORLDLY DESIRES!!

just returned from a heartfelt discussion with Habib. had dinner with Gomi and surprisingly Habib called to meet...totally out of the blue...i agreed. see, it is God's will. this meetup wasn't planned at all...its just a calling...Alhamdulillah~

of course my heart is heavy that Habib also is going to leave Singapore, maybe never to return again :'-( but i ain't gonna stop him for he is going for the sake of Allah swt and because he believes in true Islam which is SUBMISSION.....got it? SUBMISSION! complete SUBMISSION.

he should most probably be going to Spain just like his bro ridwan where there is an Islamic school in a land with no other life. can u imagine? a life of Islam. a life of SUBMISSION. alhamdulillah~

Ridwan who just went there to be Hafiz and to learn more about Islam has been tellin Habib that he feels so much peace there n he is calling Habib over.

Habib feels crazy with this dunia, with life in Singapore, with alot of tings that do not make sense but we just ADHERE TO. HEY?!!! why the hell are we SUBMITTING ourselves to our desires or the evils in this dunia? in this society? when ideally, we shud be SUBMITTING ourselves to Allah swt, our Creator, the Almighty!

Habib is going to leave everything behind....job, family, friends....for God....Alhamdulillah~

Habib hates the life in Singapore too much. Inshaallah, they are working out a plan to start a madrasah in Germany. Perhaps i shud go study Islam and prepare myself so that inshaallah i can contribute too when the madrasah opens.

I do not look forward to the FUTURE that the life of this world, all these while, has taught me to work for. HEY THE FUTURE IS NOT IN MY HANDS. If God decides, i can be dead tomorrow.

I only look forward to my DEATH and i prepare for my DEATH, for this world is just a test.

At most, i only think about the future of Islam.

My only goal in life now is to live in submission and also to learn more about Islam and then spread Islam. That's all.

Habib was saying that we are all now just PART-TIME MUSLIMS. that's all.

Adhering to 5 pillars is enuff? Is it?

Just last week, a learned and respectable Muslim man could tell me that i just need to learn to recite the Quran and that's enough. Then, i told him i wanna know the meanings behind it and he tells me, you don't need. Just learn to recite. Enough.

????

Is that right?

Most of us are just swimming inside a tiny pond....

Just think. We now study sch subjs 5 days a week. Maybe go religious class on Sundays. Fail a sch subj and get whacked! Do not pay attention in madrasah class, its ok!

???

When my religious class teacher kept pushing for home schooling....where kids learn faster yet in an Islamic way, i thought he must be a crazy stranger (Ghuraba).

BUT HEY WAIT?!!

so wadz MODERN ISLAM? tell me?! is there such a thing?!!!!

Habib and I are wondering....IS THERE? come, explain to me~

i aint gonna be a slave to this dunia and TRY to be a MODERN MUSLIM...there is NO SUCH THING!

i love Allah.....the love is too strong....the flame from this candle will never die off....this candle will never melt....

Inshaallah, i will soon have the strength to work for God, and for God alone....ameen...

2009-06-29T20:45:00.000-07:00

i never really dragged myself to work in years....

but anyway, yanti's facebook status has kind of lifted my spirits: "When you stop complaining, what is left is gratitude - and gratitude is your connection to POWER. SubhanaAllah..."

2009-06-28T16:58:00.000-07:00

REFRESHED

yesterday evening, rev, nisha and i went cycling at east coast. we cycled thru the night. it was extremely refreshing and fun...looking forward to more such cycling escapades...

pics...after rev sends them to me...

realised that my blog kud become boring devoid of pics....

after the escapade, rev was kiddin that now then we noe we have an ass, knees and ankles...really...i never felt them for some time....my ankles were swollen last night....

the result of sudden exertion after abt two mths break from strenuous physical exercises.

the trip back there for clean fun is in striking contrast to the last time i went there....planned to cycle but was too high and unsteady to even walk straight, wad more cycle? like shameless monkeys...

i still had fun last night...perhaps, even more...cuz i was conscious enuff to enjoy every moment...

...

oh btw...its confirmed that MJ never sang a nasheed....the one on youtube is a hoax....i found the original singer...he is Irfan Makki...he reli sounds like MJ though~

there are no reports that confirms MJ had converted from Jehovah's Witness to Islam like his brother Jermaine Jackson (now known as Muhammad Abdul Aziz)...

but when Jermaine commented on his brother's passing, he mentioned "May Allah be with you Michael always." (at 1:32 in below video)

normally, when a celebrity converts to Islam, they speak about it publicly...that quells rumours and helps spread Islam....even Jermaine did it:

i am not sure if MJ did it though. thus all the rumours and confusion.

but whatever his religion, his death is a reminder to mankind.

DEATH is your final destination. so, PREPARE. no matter you are MJ or a peasant...one day, u gonna die, and who noes when that will be? nobody is immortal, so we shud all be prepared....

[ps: the media links terrorists and extremists to Islam. if you watched the last video, Jermaine would say that is not Islam. but its just sad that those are the "Muslims" who have the biggest voices in the media. and thus all the misconceptions about Islam. if u watched Jermaine on Big Brother, you might be inspired enough to find out what makes him soooo calm? and Jermaine says it with his own mouth that it is his faith, Islam, in the last video above.]

2009-06-26T20:24:00.000-07:00

blardy swine...

swines are haunting me.

first, they took our chalet...the one we rented for our family gathering...at short notice...for quarantine purposes....n all the games that my cousins organised for it was gone to waste...n all the excitement extinguished....

then now...it is the second extension of our seclusion to a temp office.....which sucks...im startin to get reeeli frustrated in there.....n im B-O-R-E-D...feels like jail...n i m missing my neighbours and the rest of my colleagues back in office...extremely restless in there! cant elp it~

the travel is also S-I-C-K-E-N-I-N-G....almost 1 hr 30 mins to get to work.... :'-( shud have stationed all those with vehicles over there....im sick of the place, really

maybe i shud take leave for the whole week til i get to my original office....GRRRRRRRRRR

tink if they extend it for much longer, i will be singing this song in my "classroom" office in memory of MJ....

**k la...actually not tat bad la...just exaggerating~**

now, i am also afraid that i'd contract this flu....sighz....i never ever felt afraid of contracting any such diseases lor...but nw its so widespread tat im started to get scared....

"Forbidden to you (for food) are: dead meat, blood, the flesh of swine, and that on which hath been invoked a name other than that of Allah."

[Sura Al-Ma'idah 5:3]

***k i noe the name's been changed...now just go back n read everything as H1N1 (its difficult to type ok so i stuck to swine. don't blame me)***

2009-06-25T21:42:00.000-07:00

In a State of Perpetual Bliss...

Maybe i just got to work on eradicating anger completely from my life (except when it concerns FAITH)...and maybe i got to quit jokes that involve others...but cannot elp it sometimes~

If i had accidentally shown my anger n frustration today over the smallest issue, i am just very sorry. But, i am glad i did not use any vulgarities and i am glad that i did not drag the issue.

I will try to become more cool....

Anger is some sort of a temporary loss of consciousness....shaitan just drags you over and you lose your ability to think and react properly....after that, you just end up feeling foolish...that's about it.

And here is a great article on anger and Islam: http://www.islamawareness.net/Anger/anger.html

...

besides that - im in a state of perpetual bliss....truly, truly, truly, ABSTINENCE is BLISS

and i do not mind abstaining from more n more evils to feel even more blissful....

because, abstinence is first a great challenge, and then when God sees you makin an obvious effort, He makes it easy for you...and then you look back in awe at how you managed it...not without His grace and mercy of course...you can't do anything without Him...

2009-06-23T21:57:00.000-07:00

Auzubillah hi minash Syaithaanir rajim...

apa la ini macam!....talk abt religion only nobody want to visit my blog ah...

site stats dropping so much... boring ke apa~

tink soon i wud be talking to myself... hw pityful~

my blog deserves to reach a wider audience...

anyway, spent my night watchin a few parts of the vids that habib linked me...

habib told me beforehand that after watchin the entire documentary, he was feelin a very strong desire to pack up and leave for mecca....

before i started watchin the series..to be exact, "The Arrivals"....i was already avoiding the tv, not forcefully but BY CHOICE!

and NOW...i am even more filled with deep sadness...

it shows how we are all no longer FREE SPIRITS...rather we are all under the spell of the media...

the other day, we gave my youngest cousin Iskandar and his mum a lift....

during the trip, i was playin some nice nasheeds and Iskandar looked so bored and almost dozed off....

pitying him, mum told me to change the track....

so i played an indian song which has strong Hindu influence...and surprise surprise! immediately when he heard the FIRST note, a Hindu bell, he got so excited and exclaimed "This is my favourite song!".....

my heart sanK but i just let it play and Iskandar was all wide awake and cheerful and happy. my aunt was tellin us that he used to imitate the Hindu prayer gesture when he listened to those songs...

astaghfirullah~

wad can i say?

i saw Rahm bhai do it too...

INFLUENCE.....BLARDY INFLUENCE BY THE BIGGEST SHAITAN IN OUR HOMES....OUR IDIOT BOXES...

i tink everyone shud watch that entire loooooooooooong series with an open heart. but i'm not going to advertise it nor comment much on it till i myself watch it completely.

the other day wen teh tanni bhai visited...he was tellin dad that its amazing how close shaitan has gotten to us....

theatres, to tv sets, now to our pockets (ipods, mobile phones)

now that i noe, i can take the good stuff n trash the rest...

but wad abt my poor little cousins who are under the spell? wad abt my tambi who is always soooo engrossed in his computer game all night as if he is under a spell?

so engrossed in such stuff till they forget God.....

i am glad i have internet where i can choose to read n watch wad i like...n nt watch or read wad u stuff into my face!

but wad abt my little cousins n my tambi who have nt realised...they kud wander everywhere online....the internet is so vast....

the world needs awareness....the world needs change....

...

yanti has successfully enticed me to learn Arabic. but currently almarkaz only has saturday evening classes. if it was morning, dad said he would join too.

but it clashes with our saturday religious class n so dad does not wanna come with me....sighz~ i need a partner...applications open....

...

there is so much more i want to write abt the influences in today's society....but i have visitors in my house and my thoughts are not crystallising properly...

thus, i shall continue next time...

inshaallah, ameen.

2009-06-23T00:31:00.000-07:00

i love my new life, the joy, the clarity, the peace, the hope.

inshaallah, i just want to live the rest of my life this way, in pure submission. ameen.

2009-06-21T18:00:00.000-07:00

i want to run down the street and screeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam that im happieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

yes, i am!! = D

n i must be crazy or growing old because it's a cat stevens' sunday and im dazzled by his old songs...

i am feelin physically better today also....

attended a wedding lunch...the groom converted from Hinduism to Islam...alhamdulillah~

soon going to go for father's day dinner with my family....

there is so much to write about...as always~....but i will stop here and watch the vids that habib has sent me....on zionism...

2009-06-20T22:00:00.000-07:00

There is certainly no blind faith. If only they ponder.

I am ill and so i spent my day in bed watching youtube videos and reading. I have finished watching Sheikh Ahmed Deedat's debate with Dr Anis Sorrosh.

I am left feeling appalled that despite all the intelligent, thought provoking answers that Deedat put forth, Sorrosh still stuck to his old, meaningless stand that anybody with the ability to reason would be able to understand and would say, "Hey, this fellow is just confusing himself!"

Allah says in the Quran:

"Those who reject Our Ayat (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.) are deaf and dumb in the darkness. Allah sends astray whom He wills and He guides on the Straight Path whom He wills."

[Sura Al-An'am 6:39]

And then, i connect back to this person who wants an answer to an Islamic ruling on financial issues when firstly he does not even believe that he was created by God almighty.

He claims nobody has been able to answer his question. Is that so? Or are you looking for a particular answer which you do not receive? So, if you do not receive the answer you are looking for, all the answerers or potential answerers must be dumb? And if you are looking for a particular answer, that means you already know the answer that you like. So if you like, follow it.

You are a born Muslim and it is not like you are following the basic rules of Islam to begin with. You end by saying, "I do not believe in blind faith".

So, i guess you need to go get a degree in every religion and then decide the truth because you are "extremely intelligent". But, the truth indeed, is very simple if only you care to ponder.

"Verily! In the creation of the heavens and the earth, and in the alternation of night and day, and the ships which sail through the sea with that which is of use to mankind, and the water (rain) which Allah sends down from the sky and makes the earth alive therewith after its death, and the moving (living) creatures of all kinds that He has scattered therein, and in the veering of winds and clouds which are held between the sky and the earth, are indeed Ayat (proofs, evidences, signs, etc.) for people of understanding."

[Sura Al-Baqarah 2:164]

"Have they not looked at the camel - how it was created? And at the sky - how it was raised up?And at the mountains - how they were embedded? And at the earth - how it is spread out? So remind them (O Muhammad saw)! You are only a reminder."

[Sura Al-Ghashiyah 88:17-21]

"Do they not look at the sky above them? How We have made it and adorned it, and there are no flaws in it? And the earth, We have spread it out, and set thereon mountains standing firm, and produced therein every kind of beautiful growth (in pairs), To be observed and commemorated by every devotee turning (to God)."

[Sura Qaf 50:6-8]

"It is He Who sends down water from the sky from which We bring forth growth of every kind, and from that We bring forth the green shoots and from them We bring forth close-packed seeds, and from the spathes of the date palm date clusters hanging down, and gardens of grapes and olives and pomegranates, both similar and dissimilar. Look at their fruits as they bear fruit and ripen. There are Signs in that for people who believe."

[Sura Al-An`am 6:99]

Islam is not blind faith. If only your heart opens up so that you become "people of understanding". Think about yourself - a creation, the stuff around you - creations, and the almighty Creator first and believe in Him and His oneness first before acting intelligent and finding a lame question just to challenge and show off your "intelligence" or mock at that which the believers belief. We are unfazed.

"There are certainly Signs in the earth for people with certainty; and in yourselves as well. Do you not then see?"

[Sura Adh-Dhariyat 51:20-21]

A sincere person would ask a question on Islamic rulings because of the sincere desire to follow it. But, what is the point of asking a question on a deeper aspect of Islam as if you are going to follow it when, to begin with, you do not even believe in nor follow the basic rules of Islam.

Your intention of asking the question is in the first place, questionable.

And, Allah knows best.

Yanti told me that it is better to spend our time doing zikir then waste our time answering such people. I would rather be out there to help the un-egoistic and sincere people, not the ones who ask questions just to show off. I am not impressed and i will never be.

"Do not strut arrogantly about the land. You will certainly never split the land apart nor will you ever rival the mountains in height."

[Sura Al-Isra 17:37]

You only need to prove to our Creator, the Lord of all that is in the heavens and the earth, not anybody else. Remember that.

"And it has already been revealed to you in the Book (this Quran) that when you hear the Verses of Allah being denied and mocked at, then sit not with them, until they engage in a talk other than that; (but if you stayed with them) certainly in that case you would be like them. Surely, Allah will collect the hypocrites and disbelievers all together in Hell."

[Sura An-Nisa 4:140]

I will just pray that God guides those i know and care about to see the light too.

Again, Allah knows best.

...

Ok, besides that, i was thinking of how fortunate i am. I have such a wonderful family, wonderful close friends, wonderful colleagues - what else can i ask for. I feel so blessed. I cherish my life. Alhamdulillah~

2009-06-19T19:39:00.000-07:00

Yesterday...

"There is not a moving (living) creature on earth, nor a bird that flies its two wings, but are communities like you. We have neglected nothing in the Book, then unto their Lord they (all) shall be gathered.

Those who reject Our Ayat (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.) are deaf and dumb in the darkness. Allah sends astray whom He wills and He guides on the Straight Path whom He wills.

Say (O Muhammad saw): "Tell me if Allah's Torment comes upon you, or the Hour comes upon you, would you then call upon any one other than Allah? (Reply) if you are truthful!"

Nay! To Him Alone you would call, and, if He wills, He would remove that (distress) for which you call upon Him, and you would forget at that time whatever partners you joined (with Him in worship)!

Verily, We sent (Messengers) to many nations before you (O Muhammad saw). And We seized them with extreme poverty (or loss in wealth) and loss in health (with calamities) so that they might humble themselves (believe with humility).

When Our Torment reached them, why then did they not humble themselves (believe with humility)? But their hearts became hardened, and Shaitan (Satan) made fair- seeming to them that which they used to do.

So, when they forgot (the warning) with which they had been reminded, We opened for them the gates of every (pleasant) thing, until in the midst of their enjoyment in that which they were given, all of a sudden, We took them (in punishment), and lo! They were plunged into destruction with deep regrets and sorrows."

[Sura Al-An'am 6:38-44]

Mashaallah~ those are extremely beautiful, touching verses for me....makes alot of sense.

okie...off to keyboard class..

2009-06-18T22:35:00.000-07:00

my worries with my Lord...tomorrow is a brand new day, a brand new chance...

though i do not enjoy watching tv as much as before, it seems like the only thing that unites the family...

and thus i got out of my room to watch for a while...sharing even 1 lame joke with my parents just lightens my heart...

so im going to hit the bed now and sleep like a baby...

no worries, no weight on my shoulder...

good night.

2009-06-18T21:06:00.000-07:00

can i forgive myself for being so unproductive? i shall.

then just got to work tings out and turn the table.

it is my fault, anyway. guilt overwhelms.

but i hope i can make that guilt spur me on.

did i forget that God is watching all of my actions? did He teach me to idle?

extremely GRRRRRRRRRRR with myself

"And that there is nothing for man except what he tried,
His efforts shall be seen. And rewarded to fullest extent."
(Sura An-Najm 53:39-41)

2009-06-17T21:34:00.000-07:00

ADDICTIONS ABOLISHED

funny to think of the stuff that i tot were going to eat me alive...stuff that started from a once in awhile affair to almost an everyday affair....stuff that i tot were incurable...

was i out of my mind? no, i was D-E-A-F and B-L-I-N-D

not knowing the pleasures of a sin and avoiding it is one thing. knowing it and then withdrawing is yet another thing. but how great is that lowly, self-demolishing act compared to the love for our Creator?

the last time i got a wake up call, i still asked God for fun in my life. and then, God opened all those doors for me..maybe to let me go and experience it all and then see if that's really where the joy is. but, they were all just very empty pleasures...and now i'm back at His feet...

2 months plus now since i bid goodbye to those...and i'm looking back and laughing...

this time round, my heart is filled with more light...more understanding...more truth...and now, faith is here to stay till my last breath..till i return to my Creator...

and my heart is racing to share the truth that i have discovered to those who are still searching...and to those who are still aimlessly on the path that i used to tread...

if this simple desire to share the light is going to invite insults, make people avoid me or doubt me, some to hate me....then, i am unfazed

2009-06-16T21:01:00.000-07:00

interesting and well said...for those who care to think...i like the part where he says that suddenly he wears a pair of glasses and he can see everything clearly...exactly~

2009-06-16T20:04:00.000-07:00

:'-( i just need one more answer to complete me...

but why is it sooooooooo hard to make that move?

i noe i shud go into the ring and fight before i can tel if i'd win or lose...

but im so confused as to whether i should even step into the ring....WHY?!! :'-(

i hope God shows me the way after tonight....whether i should or should not enter the ring...:'-(

no matter wad....there is still lasting joy and hope in my heart....

so...i will not despair...

2009-06-15T19:49:00.000-07:00

WAD LA?!!!

i was lookin at my site stats report and saw that someone landed on my site after searching for "tudung sex" in google. ??!!

it is because of the post i did last time on the tudung clad b**ch which consists of the words "tudung" and "sex".

but what i'm most surprised about is that people actually google for "tudung sex". i wonder if it exists now...hmmm...i rem i just jokingly replied to shafs in my blog chatbox - "yea shafs. enuff sorts of porn arnd. we dun nid a new genre 'porn in tudung' "....and now?!

ok la, i do not know the intention of that googler. but anyway...wadeva~

....

only God knows why i am startin to hate the culture that i used to follow....i know i shouldn't hate...but only God knows hw SPELLBOUND i was in that culture....that i feel extremely freaked out after i realise....

i know its impossible to shun western influence entirely. i noe im still going to fall for the melodies in some western songs...even if the lyrics spell RUBBISH...i could be intrigued by the rythm and melody....plus, i cannot avoid jeans....i cannot avoid alot of stuff...i noe...

but to my best ability, i shall try, if i can, not to imitate them anymore....

because most of it...simply, does not make sense...i am angry....it just LEADS U ASTRAY....ASTRAY....ASTRAY....into a world of your own R-U-B-B-I-S-H!

if only we think before we follow...

but...as in every culture...there is good and bad in theirs as well...i shud, i noe...pick out the best and trash the rest....

we'll see...inshaallah, soon id become good at that n nt be so angry! heehee~

2009-06-14T22:16:00.000-07:00

wahahaha...managed to accomplish all the tasks i planned for today...alhamdulillah~

tidied my wardrobe AND my room....so happy and proud nw...had to show off to mum....

i can only think and sleep at real ease when im in a clean and tidy room...

"Cleanliness is half of faith." - (Sahih Muslim Book 2, Number 0432)

now im in the midst of watching a really long but very interesting debate that Habib linked me, between Ahmed Deedat and Anis Sorrosh on "Is Jesus God?" still in just part 10 of 22 and Ahmed Deedat has just started his argument...

my dad told me before that Ahmed Deedat was to come to Singapore once but was not allowed...maybe due to all the sensitivities...hmmm~

2009-06-13T23:37:00.000-07:00

had keyboard class again this afternoon. then went shopping with yanah.

i realise that it's time to get serious about my music lessons. been spending little time practising and it shows in my class progress. guess my instructors are noticing it too...

i will make sure i go to the next song in my next lesson. been quite sometime n im still stuck on this one song =P i think even my cute kid classmate has progressed...alamak~ jasima...

i have to spend my day wisely tomorrow. 1) re-arrange my wardrobe 2) practice keyboard. 3) rest & recover

lol...been coughing for 2 weeks now....recently, coughing my lungs out....such a stubborn cough...vince's chinese medicine seems to help to a certain extent....i hope i recover soon...coughing so hard tires me out completely...

despite all that...i am still feeling very peaceful...which is something new...all thanks to God...i owe my life to Him...

2009-06-12T23:55:00.000-07:00

heart bleeds :'-(

i too did strut about the land, arrogantly, without thinking, feeling or being grateful :'-(

i have to remove my old photos from my blog. but i need time. so meanwhile, i have removed the links to my archives. will put them back once i remove my old photos.

i was looking through those arrogant times and my heart bleeds.

strange that now i am finding it hard to accept the TV and the people who follow it like as if they are under some spell. even though i was there too and i know what lead me there :'-(

i pray to God to help me be more accepting of that which i cannot change :'-( perhaps everyone will come to a point of realisation.

but then you have to first lose the ego to come to a realisation :'-( else, you will just keep thinking that you are so great. how great are you? you are nothing without God. you won't be here without Him. and you do not think. you will continue to be under the spell. you will be in the dark, with no peace of mind...:'-(

just like lost souls, with no proper direction...:'-(

pls take the time to watch this video. it will make you think of those signs and miracles around you that you may have taken for granted. truly, Islam is not blind faith. it has proofs. it is the truth. Allahu Akhbar!

till now, i find that some have drifted far away from me. and if it is God's will then so be it. it may be for my own good.

afterall, it is surely God's will that i was put in the good company of yanti, habib and nana in the recent weeks...so that i may see the light too.

i hope that soon i would be able to meet closed hearts with an open mind and embracing touch...and not with anger...i was there too, i shud noe better. im sure God will guide me to that which is right...and inshaallah soon id be able to achieve that....

2009-06-12T19:15:00.000-07:00

2009-06-11T23:55:00.000-07:00

it is not my intention to put anyone down nor to force nor to show off...

my only intention is to share my realisations n what i am learning of the truth...

and i will never despair nor will i ever question my faith even if you doubt my intentions, insult me, personally attack me, try to counter me because my love for Allah supercedes everyone and everything...and the realisations are too strong to be shaken by mere men...

i only need to prove to Allah.

and Allah knows.

2009-06-10T22:17:00.000-07:00

How exactly does Islam fill our hearts with hope and optimism?

Before i present the detailed and deep thought provoking article by Harun Yahya, i shall summarize my thoughts and feelings on the topic.

What drives you each day?

1) Being with your loved ones? - One day, some of them will leave this world before you. Then how?

2) Looking your best? - One day, you will surely grow old and frail. Then how?

3) Earning the most? - What if one day, your business fails or you lose your job, you end up bankrupt...then how?

4) Being the most powerful? - What if one day, you make a mistake that causes your downfall and you lose all the respect that you once received...then how?

5) Owning the best home? - What if your most expensive home is destroyed by a natural disaster...then how?

(1) and (2) will definitely happen. It is just a matter of time.

If God wills, (3), (4) and (5) can also happen. Can you guarantee it won't?

So, what if any of that happens? Will you lose hope and kill yourself?

Seriously, though none of those have happened to me, i thought through all that and i felt that since life is so unpredictable and i could not base my hope on any single solid source, i should kill myself immediately. Thinking through all that, made life seem so meaningless for me.

And astaghfirullah, i was a Muslim then too. But again, maybe not quite a Muslim yet.

That was how misguided i was until i found all the answers in Islam.

Islam means submission. By submitting to the will of Allah, i can and should and will accept any situation, be it positive or negative as given by Allah, and i can and should and will try to make the best of it.

Now, that is true, lasting hope.

Pls do take the time to read this article: http://www.harunyahya.com/hopefulness01.php by Harun Yahya. Remember to click the arrows to go to every chapter. It has a few chapters but worth every minute of your time.

Not everyday may be smooth sailing but let us strive to stay positive and remember that every situation is created by Allah. We have to put our complete trust in Him, make the right choices, do the right things and inshaallah we will be fine and earn our rewards in the hereafter. Ameen.

2009-06-08T21:25:00.000-07:00

Warning: Pls leave immediately or do not read this post if your heart is weak. Thank you.

I have removed all my past photos from my facebook account. But, stuff remain on my abandoned friendster account and on this blog. I am wondering if i should remove all traces of my past or leave it.

I need advice on that issue and i will go find out. Till then, i will leave the rest intact, especially my past blog entries and old photographs. My reason is because i want to trace back to where i was and i want to prove that i did tread shaitan's path but found no peace. Only by comparing my past thoughts and current thoughts can i make any sense of the recent overwhelming realisations and share if i can. But if i really have to remove them then no choice. Till i find out more, it will remain.

Besides that, I have decided, if i want to share something, be it what i read, what i thought of, what i watched, i'll just do it. No more holding back.

So, i was thinking about my past post: http://jasimasyed.blogspot.com/2009/04/bible-also-says-women-should-cover.html. I wrote: "Although i really want to but I am NOT going to reproduce the video in my blog because it could be very offensive to some, even myself at first =P (because, i also do not cover my head!). But, i cannot disagree with him also because it is true what? So, if you are curious, just search for "Ahmed Deedat talking about women in the west" on YouTube."

Here is the video:

Well, besides the fact that i dare to post it now. I want to share what i thought of at that time and what i think of it now.

When i first watched it, i went, "Dirty old male chauvinist! How dare he say such stuff? He really seems to be putting women down! GRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!"

Seriously, that was my first reaction at that time.

It is very clear that i wasn't thinking with reason. I was overwhelmed with emotions. Now, let's think in context. (PS: Watch the video first.)

The girl's question again, "I've been told that Women in Islam wear a veil because in this way men would treat them respectfully but i see the veil as a form of oppression because why should they have to cover themselves because of the way men conceive them? Shouldn't they be treated with respect regardless? Could you pls explain the veil and did Mary have to wear a veil?"

Again, first time when i heard that, i went, "Hey, that's very true. Huh?! Why must i cover myself all, men should respect me regardless what?!! WTH! Male chauvinists!! Blardy hell!!"

Ok, Ahmed Deedat's answer could have riled you.

But, was the lady trying to say that men were treating women respectfully regardless of whether they were all covered up or not? Was she in her own dream land?

Ahmed Deedat's "Test Drive Her Now!" example where a skimpily clad woman was posing in front of a car for a car advert is like a thunderous WAKE UP call. Don't you think? I ask you, Is that the kind of respect the lady was talking about? Respect? Is that respect??? **scratching my head**

If you noticed, the lady was wearing a t-shirt that reads "NAIVE". Yes, naive indeed. And so was I !! And so are many others.

They are dangling sex to sell their stuff. Why do we have to dangle sex (be sexy)? To sell what? Ourselves?

What is it that you are truly proud of? Or you just want to show off? Show what? Your boobs, your legs, your navel, your back? Then, don't have to show here and there, might as well strut the streets naked. Don't get angry, i was there too.

Do not strut arrogantly about the land. You will certainly never split the land apart nor will you ever rival the mountains in height. (Qur'an, 17:37)

Come on, what really matters to you? When you reach 80 you will know how good all your body parts look.

The other day, i was switching channels and landed on the show Project Runway where all these gay fellows design clothes for women. My dad went, "Nowadays, the designers for women are all men." My mum went, "Thats why lah, the dresses become like this!"

You want to wear rubbish that the gays design? And wow and nod at all the garbage that these models walk in on the runway. What's so nice about it? Are we really in our own wonderland? Hey, i was there wowing and nodding too! But, aha, what's happening?

I don't know, i just feel like crying to think of how foolish i was. This post is as much a reminder to me as it is for sharing.

2009-06-06T19:18:00.000-07:00

I am pinching myself to reality....its been a week....extremely fast. Just this time last week, i was outside shopping and worried that i would not have enough time to pack my bag for the trip the next day.

And now, one week has already passed.

"The Hour will not come until time passes so quickly that a year will be like a month, a month like a week, a week like a day, a day like an hour, and an hour like the time it takes for a palm-leaf to burn." Sahih, SJ: 7422.

Time flies. Oh yes, it does.

2009-06-03T22:14:00.000-07:00

Swimming Amongst The Fishes In Tioman

Day 1 – Sunday, 31st May 2009

At Tanjung Gemuk Jetty, waiting for our ferry to arrive.

We reached Kampong Paya at around 2.30pm. The ferry ride from Tanjung Gemuk to Kampong Paya was almost 2 hours and Yanti and I were super dumb dumb, we imprisoned ourselves in the air-conditioned deck while many were enjoying the wind and scenery on the open air top deck! We did not realize there is a deck on top until our trip back.

Front view of Kampong Paya from the Jetty.

View of Kampong Paya to the left of the Jetty.

View of Kampong Paya to the right of the Jetty.

When we landed on the jetty of Kampong Paya, I felt overwhelmingly refreshed even after a bumpy journey there by coach and ferry. Mountains that touch the clouds, clean air, blue waters, clean beach – minus the traffic, minus the smoke, minus the tall buildings, minus the noise, minus all the hustle and bustle of the steel and concrete city life.

We checked in and then went to the diving centre to enquire. The lady-in-charge was not in and we were told to return later.

We stayed at Paya Beach Resort

We then went to lepak at one of the kampong coffee shops.

After that, we hit the beach and played around. Yanti was in her spiderman suit. I somewhat looked like some alien. We were imagining and dreaming and raving about our supposed diving escapade the next day.

Shortly after, the man who was earlier at the diving centre, approached and informed us that “Funny” was back. She is a Japanese and yeah, that’s how her name’s pronounced =P We do not know how it should be spelt though.

We went to “Funny” and fixed a time for our diving course and open sea dive. She checked with us if we had any ailments (which includes asthma). I said I had that as a child and she was trying to re-confirm if I was sure of wanting to try this out. I was so confident =P

Then, she went on to teach us a technique to practice for the night so as to get used to the decompression as we dive underwater. Yanti and I watched and tried the technique with such keen and confident and over excited expressions and reactions.

Funny wrote our names on the whiteboard outside the diving centre and wrote the time that we would report to them for lessons, 2.30pm.

We then went to check out the swimming pool to prepare mentally and physically for the dive. It was a turn off. We were expecting a lap pool but saw a really small pool that was over crowded and extremely murky. Felt too disgusted to enter so we turned back to the beach to relax and talk nonsense.

Thereafter, we went back to the resort to wash up. That’s when we met our friendly neighbours who were putting up at the room beside ours. They are Nurul and Nadia from Pasir Gudang and Gajang respectively. They came to Tioman for holiday with two other friends. The following day would be their last day there.

After washing up, we left to watch the sun set. Too bad, it was cloudy and we could not catch the sun before it even got covered by the clouds.

As we were crapping, laughing and trying to take pictures of ourselves, I noticed a beautiful Caucasian lady walking from afar, looking and grinning at us. As she passed us, she offered to take a photo for us. She was friendly and warm. Her name is Isa.

Isa took this photo for us. Sad that we forgot to take a picture with her.

Isa asked us, “Are you guys from Singapore?”. We were stunned and asked her how she knew.

She said it’s obvious as we had this UNIQUELY SINGAPORE slang. No wonder she was grinning all the way. We must have sounded so FUNNY.

She was surprised that Yanti recognized she is Spanish as everyone else thought that she is American. As we conversed further, we realized that she was born Mexican (oops) living in the US (oops oops). (ishhhhh! And now Yanti and I are ill…oh oh)

Isa is in Malaysia for a 2 week tour around Malaysia. She just arrived. She also suggested that we swim across to a small island to the right of Kampong Paya as the corals there are beautiful.

After that, we went to have dinner coupled with emo talks haha and then strolled the area and visited the shops. We bought snacks and sat outside our room to slack and snack.

This is our dinner area at the resort.

As we were snacking, this hungry cat came to irritate us. It wanted our snack. I threw some and that was my biggest mistake. It never gave up thereafter and kept coming towards me and staring at me each time she finished it up.

I kept throwing the snack far from us so that when the cat goes there to take it, we could run away. That was our plan. However, when the snacks landed on a sandy place, it turned back and stared at me.

The cat eating our snack.

"Yum yum!"

We then threw the snack to 1 far corner and while the cat was busy attacking it, we rushed into our room and closed the door. Else, it would follow us into our room for more food!

True enough, after it finished the food, it came to the door and started meowing. We looked through the window and it would come over to the window. Yanti then opened the door slightly and the cat would run over to the door. We then shut the door fast. We repeated this many times whaahahahaha! Hide and seek with the cat! And that’s how we spent our first night in Tioman =P

We took this picture from our room window. The cat was sitting on our chair, looking through the window and meowing at us.

“Hey you! You better open the door, or else!!”

Day 2 – Monday, 1st June 2009

We got up early as we had to be at the jetty by 9am for the boat that would fetch us to the Marine Park and Renggis Island for snorkeling.

We had breakfast with 4 of our neighbors who were about to leave for home. They are friends who used to study together but they were staying in different parts of Malaysia. They shared the fun that they had in Tioman.

Our neighbours

After breakfast, we walked to the jetty and waited for the boats. It was quite crowded. Many others were waiting to set off for snorkeling. That’s when we first met Abang Salim aka turtle. He checked our room number. 1 boat arrived and a man told us that was our boat. So, Yanti was first to get on the boat and she sat majestically on the bench all alone. For some reason, no one else got on. I was about to get on too when we were told that it was the wrong boat. Wahahahahaha! Damn funny and Yanti was happily sitting there all alone. She then got off and we climbed onto the correct boat. We couldn’t stop laughing!

Really low tide.

View of the waters from the jetty.

Crystal blue waters.

Check out the boy fishing from the tip of the jetty.

The boat that brought us to Marine Park and Renggis Island.

Little did we think that the journey would take so long! About 45 minutes just to get to the Marine Park. Throughout the journey, on top of the noise caused by the waves and the boat, abang Salim was trying to make a conversation with us. He was friendly and nice but as lone girls from Singapore, Yanti and I were trying to be overly cautious.

Once we reached the jetty of Marine Park, abang Salim gathered everyone so that he could brief us and demonstrate how to use the snorkel. He asked around for a show of hands on who knew how to use it. Only Yanti raised her hand. Lol! Thus, she was pulled up front to demo. Blooper~ She wore the snorkel upside down. The mouth piece was in the air above her head =P We were joking after that that she should have continued telling the people to then try and catch the mouthpiece with their mouths, like a dog hehehehe. I should have taken a photo of the hilarious moment but I was too busy laughing my head off!

Before we started, I was quite skeptical at first and asked if the fishes would bite. Abang Salim replied that it will not bite but might just kiss us~ Bleah =P

We then lingered at the side of the jetty, jittery as to whether we should jump in or not. I then turned back and saw a queue forming up behind me, waiting for me to get moving. So, I just jumped in without thinking. I told Yanti to jump off like me. Action only~ Only later did I realize that there was a rope and ladder that we could climb down from, steadily. Hehehehehe! Yanti then descended from the rope and ladder.

Subhanallah! My first time snorkeling and I was amazed at the crystal clear blue waters and marine life. Beautiful, colourful fishes. Whenever someone beside me started feeding the fishes, I’d be surrounded by various sorts of beautiful fishes. Swimming amidst them all, i felt soooo good, just like another fish!

In contrast to what I initially thought, actually the fishes are all afraid of us. They never near us. Each time I swim near them, they would all scramble away hehehehe. I only managed to touch one fish and at least I TOUCHED. Yanti KICKED a fish lol! And she was laughing that it would become luohan now! Aiyoh~

Some of the fishes that we saw are in this site: http://www.visualdiving.com/tioman3.html
We regretted not bringing an underwater camera to take shots of all the refreshing sights under the sea.

When time was up, Abang Salim told us to get back on the jetty so that we could set off to Renggis Island. However, Yanti and I were already far from the jetty.

We were so slow and almost not moving and we were getting worried that we would delay the rest. Soon, we saw a familiar pair of shorts under the sea. It was abang Salim. He wore his flippers and dived in and swam so fast like a fish to reach us. He dragged us back to the jetty. <== Hero Story #1

Then, we got back on the boat and set off to Renggis Island which is a short distance away. On board, we met Nieza and her little sister Mek Su. They are from Kampong Tekek which is near Marine Park. She studies in Johor and is back in Tekek for the school break. She was in the boat with us as she was going to visit her uncle in Kampong Paya. In fact, the boat we were on is owned by her uncle. The locals in Tioman are extremely hospitable. Nieza offered that we could go to Tekek for our next holiday and put up in a chalet owned by her father and she would arrange for us to look around the place.

Us with Nieza and her sister Mek Su from Kampong Tekek.

One of Dr Mahathir's properties.

We reached Renggis Island. The shore was too far to be really seen. So we were really quite in the middle of the sea. The waters were inviting. But, we still felt alittle scared. We had to jump off mid-sea. It is unlike Marine Park where we descend from the jetty. Now, its straight from the boat itself. Maybe everyone else was afraid too, nobody took the offer to get in first.

Abang Salim told Yanti and I to get off first but we offered to let the rest go first. Still, no one took up the offer. So, I was about to get off and abang Salim, in his most fake foreign western English accent, “So you aRRe going to go in with youRR slippeRRs?” Hehehehehe! I was too excited to realize. If he did not alert me, I’d have jumped in with my slippeRRs as though they are my flippeRRs.

Ahaa, we then got in but BURRRRRRRRRRRRR the water was freaking coldddddddddddd. We were shivering and my breathing started becoming shallow. Still, when I looked under the sea, I saw breathtakingly beautiful, colourful corals and bright colourful fishes. Subhanallah! I did not want to go back.

Action Only Part 1: Abang Salim then told us that he would show us a baby shark. He jumped into the sea with us and asked us to follow him. Us and another Malaysian Chinese lady followed him. He was swimming really fast. He told us to hold on to him but I wanted to still try to catch up on my own as I thought the shark would just be a short distance away. But, we got further and further and he did not seem to be stopping. I was growing tired so I paced up and joined the line that they formed to swim together. As my breathing was already shallow due to the cold waters, it was made worst as I kind of tired myself out. I was starting to feel breathless. To be exact, I felt that my asthma was acting up again. I called out to Yanti to inform her. They all stopped for a moment and Abang Salim told me that I do not have to swim and to just hold on to them so that I would be dragged over.

We went a little further and still no sign of the shark. Looked back and was shocked to see that our boat was quite a distance away! Cold waters, tired and now scared that the boat was far! My breathing became even more shallow. I tried to relax but I knew that I would have to get out of the water soon or I’d have a terrible asthma attack. My airpipes were all constricted. I was not afraid about drowning of course as I had my life vest on but it was my breathing. I was growing increasingly breathless. We stopped for a while and I caught my breath and we continued back to the boat. Abang Salim dragged us back. <== Hero Story #2 The Malaysian Chinese lady who followed us managed to see the baby shark! Yanti and I did not. But we were surely glad to be back on the boat, warm and safe.

Abang Salim holding the seruling (flute).

During the journey back to Kampong Paya, abang Salim advised us not to go for the diving that we planned if we had such difficulties.

We nodded and were almost cancelling the idea from our hearts. The experience seemed like God was trying to show us not to go for it.

Abang Salim was then conversing with Yanti while I was resting and catching my breath. He told Yanti that he felt Singaporeans “loved to bluff and pretend”. Yanti disagreed and he said that if we are not guilty we do not have to feel hurt. Hopefully, his impression of Singaporeans changes after his brief encounter with the KELAKA US, the alien who wanted to jump into the sea with her slippers and the spiderman who swam with uncoordinated leg and hand movements.

He even offered to teach swimming in 10 minutes and to bring us for jungle trekking. We did not take up any of the offers.

Once we reached Kampong Paya, we showered and prepared to go for lunch. But before that, we had an embarrassing task to finish first. We had to inform “Funny” that we wanted to cancel the diving plan. We wanted to cite my asthma as the reason. But besides that, we were also starting to feel very afraid of the idea.

We set off to the diving centre but no one was around. Yanti suggested that we just erase our names from the whiteboard and escape. Lol! In the end, we decided to write a note to them. We wrote something like this:

Dear Fanny (Yanti did not want to write “Funny”),

This is Yanti and Jasima. Very sorry, we have to cancel our diving lesson as we went for snorkeling just now and Jasima’s asthma returned due to the cold waters. Maybe next time perhaps.

Sorry and Thanks again!

We left the note on the front desk and fled. Yes, that’s the end of our “Action Only Tapi Tak Jadi” story part 1!

Action Only Part 2: Instead of diving, we wanted to go jungle trekking. We backed out of that as we felt tired.

We had lunch, relaxed at our rooms and decided to have a massage at the next door spa at night. <== Action Only Part 3 We even informed the masseurs that we will visit them at night.

We then went out again to eat and have coffee at our favourite coffeeshop. During that time, we decided not to go ahead with the massage.

While walking to the coffeeshop, we were cautious about bumping onto “Funny” or nearing the diving centre as we felt extremely embarrassed and Action Only Tapi Tak Jadi.

But, we saw one local man who was drinking beer, he seemed to recognize and said “Yanti eh? Apasal? Diving tak jadi eh?” We suspect he is Remy from the diving centre and he might have been around the day before when “Funny” was briefing us. Wahahaha!

After coffee, we continued strolling and taking photographs. We were amazed at kampong life. The kids played in the sea all day and night and have no fear. In Singapore, kids nowadays are glued to TV or computer games. But, those kids have really active and healthy and fun lives! They are also extremely friendly and hospitable. They seem to love the tourists who visit them. They want us to join them to play in the sea!

The burger stall at the coffeeshop.

They live in their shops. This is their living area in the coffeeshop.

Kampong kids playing around.

Kampong kids walking back to their home.

Kampong kids washing up after play.

Check out the difference in attire between the kampong kids and the kids in life vests (suspected to be kiasu Singaporean kids).

Even the pace of the lives of the adults is really slow and relaxed. They mostly run their own businesses (have shops, offer boat rides, rent out own chalets) or they work as guides like abang Salim or as diving instructors like Remy.

We then prepared for sun set. This time, we were luckier. It was less cloudy and we were early. Alhamdulillah, the whole experience was simply beautiful and rejuvenating.

After that, we went to buy souvenirs. We saw abang Salim and his group of friends. Being overly cautious, we tried hard to avoid. We still acknowledged anyway. Afterall, he rescued us so many times =P He is actually a nice guy. We found out only when we reached Singapore. He offered to bring us to see fireflies at night. We refused again. Yanti and I were just overly cautious.

We also bought a seruling (flute) for memory. Abang Salim played it while on the boat. However, Yanti and I could make no sound. We tried really hard. At one time, I thought I got it. I then moved my mouth away from the flute and the sound was still there. Only then did I realize that it was me whistling all the while and it was not the sound from the flute. Hehe. <== Action Only Part 4 Finally, I did manage to find out how to sound it though.

When we were leaving for our last dinner at the resort, we saw the masseuse whom we promised earlier. She asked us if we were coming later. We had to kindly turn her down =P

After dinner, we went star gazing by the beach. Totally relaxing = )

Day 3 – Tuesday, 2nd June 2009

Time to go home!

Gosh, we were really wondering if it was time to hit back home. We did not want to. Such an amazing place, such friendly and hospitable people, such a fun and funny time we had! Sighz~

We had breakfast and set off to the jetty. While waiting for our ferry, Yanti wanted to break the ice with this couple whom we actually travelled with from Singapore to Tioman and stayed next door to each other but never got a chance to converse. Yanti said hi to the girl and a conversation started. The girl is Shanaz and the guy is Najib. They are Pakistani Muslims. We then found out that they actually did a lot of the stuff that we thought of doing but did not. They went jungle trekking on their own and kayaking. Shanaz was saying that if we had known each other earlier, we could have done all that together. Surely, that be great fun.

The ferry arrived. While waiting to board, abang Salim was setting off on the boat with another batch of snorkelers. He waved and gave a flying kiss. Indeed, a fitting but bitter-sweet farewell.

We then boarded the ferry. It was only then that we saw the open air top deck =P Shanaz said that we could actually sit there halfway through the journey.

Once the last batch of people from the other kampongs in Tioman boarded the ferry, they opened the top deck. Ishhh it was surely a refreshing journey back home!

Najib and Shanaz are sitting behind us.

Us with Shanaz.

When we reached Tanjung Gemuk ferry terminal, we got on the bus and went to a nearby restaurant for lunch. We ate with Shanaz and Najib. They shared their interesting Tioman experiences and their brief encounter with a tribe! Yes, a TRIBE! Haha! So interesting~ We also learnt a new word. “Bandar” means monkey in Punjabi. The couple’s mother tongue is Punjabi.

Yanti and I wanted to go to City Square in Johor Bahru before going back to Singapore. So we got off at the Johor Checkpoint and walked to City Square. Our bags were extremely heavy, back breaking. Though we wanted to do quite a bit of shopping, we just ended up slacking most of our time away at Starbucks.

At Starbucks, City Square, Johor Bahru.

We then took a bus back to Woodlands Checkpoint and a taxi back to home sweet home.

I still wish I wake up again at the resort in Tioman. Such a beautiful place and amazing people = ) Also, the trip was made even more exciting, fun and hilarious with Yanti! I also learnt how to be a traveler and not a mere tourist by watching her.

We thoroughly enjoyed our short vacation. Alhamdulillah~

2009-05-31T01:08:00.000-07:00

....

i need to set out of my house at arnd 5.45am....

but...i stil cant slp...

my heart is nt at ease...

yeah i am supposed to be really excited...some part of me is excited....

but then im still feelin low...and i know why...but hey....God will forgive me...

my back is breakin from a whole day out shopping with yanah.....last saturday did the same with nana....

although thanks to dad's donations..but then i still feel like i have burnt lots of money already...

wad 2 do...i need to discard almost all of my old clothes....

....

i do not hope for things to happen. i pray for things to happen. and when they happen, i do not think it is coincidence. i strongly believe it is all God's blessings. He answers our prayers.

and sometimes, His blessings, give me goosebumps. because, hey, it be exactly what I prayed for.... :'-)

....

now, to put my mind and heart at ease, i need to do Qalbi Zikir. Even if it means i'd only have a few hours of sleep before my trip. Hey, i will make do with redbull hehe

2009-05-29T22:11:00.000-07:00

PROBLEM OR MERE COINCIDENCE?

I left keyboard class early today as i was extremely tired...

I then dropped by the Popular bookstore at Jurong.

Went to the 'Religion/New Age' section and realised that there were completey no books related to Islam anymore. ZERO.

In contrast, lots of Fengshui, Tarot reading, etc etc books were there.

Next to it, an entire section was dedicated to "Christian Living" and was filled with Bibles and loads of books on Christianity.

I was wondering if sooo many people have already snapped up ALL of the books related to Islam. OR, was there NO such books there to start off?

Even the last time i got a book from there which was sort of related to Islam and Muslims was written by a Jewish American. As i read further, i discovered that it was quite biased against Muslims and i felt that it was a gay attempt at trying to "tear away" the pure mask of Islam to show the false side of it. It was almost as if he was trying his best to find all the faults under the surface. He hunted down the hypocrites....women who don the hijab by day and drop it off and drink and dance the night away in sexy clothes...young men and how they get their alcohol secretly...etc etc - yeah i am not going to say which book i am referring to.

Hey, i want to see balanced Islamic books in the store alright. Islam is the world's largest religion
(http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/article3653800.ece). And Muslims do read. You know?

Its just sad that many would never discover Islam in their lives IF this is actually a PROBLEM and not merely a COINCIDENCE.

2009-05-28T21:43:00.000-07:00

going to be FIVE days =D

Masha Allah! I cannot believe it! Tomorrow is going to be the 5th day after this change...but i am already starting to feel comfortable = )

In FACT, i feel most secure in my new personality than i EVER felt with my old personality! Alhamdulillah = )

IF only i knew this earlier lol. How could I think that i could just follow SOME of the rules in the Quran and then take the rest lightly? Surely, God knows what's best for me! But hey, that's what i thought in the past: http://jasimasyed.blogspot.com/2009/04/bible-also-says-women-should-cover.html

Those who know me well will know how much i loved to fuss about my hair, spend lots of money on changing hairstyles and hair colour monthly....etc etc. And thus, i never really seriously thought about this. In fact, i'd try my best to give my own reasons as to WHY i would NOT want to change in that aspect. Like i said in that past post, "Until my heart grows more fearful of those which i need to fear, i only want to wear my headphones. I am sorry."

But, when truth OVERWHELMS you in every possible way and too many signs just dawn on you till your heart weeps a river...there is absolutely NO WAY i could find anymore reasons NOT to make the change...

During the transition period, i felt extreme guilt and disharmony. My deepest thoughts and feelings were in complete contrast with what i was on the outside.

Talking about transition period, that was the hardest...

Shaitan was trying its best to drag me back each time i wanted to repent....

I had to fight so hard just to wake up for Subuh, fight so hard not to think of going back to the "fun" that is all haram, fight so hard not to be lazy to pray, fight so hard not to watch that which is haram..

Recently, shaitan's whispers have been growing more and more faint...

The first thing i think of when i wake up in the morning is Allah swt and all of His blessings and NOT my loss of sleep...in the past i had a problem with staying awake in the day =P evidence, this post: http://jasimasyed.blogspot.com/2009/04/i-live-life-of-cat.html. powerful example of the ungrateful and direction-less life i was living...

I look forward to each of my 5 contact prayers and i feel extreme guilt if i have to miss one...

I find solace in prayer and zikir...And i feel completely protected and peaceful....

My first day was quite a roller coaster ride. But hey, i felt proud to step out of my house as a Muslim.

i do not have to follow the trends that MEN create...i only have to follow what God commanded...because, HEY, He created You! Who knows better? Truly, God is All-Knowing!

More than an Indian, More than a Singaporean, More than anything else, i feel proud to be a M-U-S-L-I-M!

Allahu Akhbar!

2009-05-28T00:01:00.000-07:00

at random

keyboard exam in november...

i am quite nervous....

but i still have plenty of time to perfect my pieces!!

God is with me!

...

this world itself is so beautiful...

just imagine Heaven that was promised for the righteous...

Gardens of Eden with rivers flowing beneath...

the desire to earn the good pleasure of God in order to enter Paradise supercedes every wordly desire...

...

yanti n i cannot wait for Sunday...xtremely excited...

i cannot wait to see for myself the beauties that God has hidden under the sea!! inshaallah we will experience it!

and our planned tudung workshop at the resort HEHEHEHEHE

but then just realised that our trip will be cut short due to tide on Tuesday...we wud have to set off from Tioman at 9.30am on Tuesday...ISHHHHHHHHH reeli sadz :'-(

2009-05-25T22:31:00.000-07:00

it wasn't that easy actually.

but i am glad i have found my direction.

there is still alot more of my SELF to lose.

i know that i have said something like that last year.

but wad followed was disaster.

i know.

and i am extremely remorseful about that.

at that time, the feelings weren't deep enough.

and i stopped seeking knowledge after finding just some answers.

but this time round, i have realised that no amount of leisure and entertainment can put a stop to my mind that was constantly searching for something.

some meaning.

it has reached a point that even if you put me on the most beautiful island in the world, give me a million dollars to spend and ricky martin by my side, it would not matter at all.

my heart would STILL be searching for something.

something deeper.

i would STILL question what is all these superficiality for?

why do i need to earn big money, be the most powerful, drive the coolest car, stay in the most exclusive home, wear the most stylish garments and accessories?

seriously, i have visualised all that. and still, i would not be happy. because it is just very very very superficial for me.

i needed something deeper.

and i guess, that is a very natural thought that hits you at some points in your life.

what is the REAL purpose of this life? ish...Islam answers all, crisply.

and whenever i feel sad, i just cry it out in prayer...

if i still feel sad, i just do qalbi zikir....

and then i put all my trust in God...

and sleep peacefully.

can it get any better?

my search has ended. but the learning will continue forever...

2009-05-25T00:11:00.000-07:00

2009-05-24T17:46:00.000-07:00

I am as My servant thinks I am

The Prophet, salla allahu alayhi wa sallam , said:

Almighty Allah says, "I am as My servant thinks I am,
and I am with him when he remembers Me.
If he remembers Me to himself,
I remember him to Myself;
and if he remembers Me in a gathering,
I remember him in a gathering better than it.

If he draws near to Me a hand’s span,
I draw near to him an arm’s length;
if he draws near to Me an arm’s length,
I draw near to him a fathom’s length;
and if he comes to Me walking,
I go to him with haste.’”

(Al-Bukhari, Muslim, At-Tirmidhi and Ibn Majah)

2009-05-24T16:50:00.000-07:00

of all the times that i visited u, of all the times that u have seen me, u had to choose today to comment that my hairstyle is nice?!!

just find this sooo ironical and funnie...i cant stop laughin...lmao!

probably the last time i'd hear such stuff...

anyway, heyyyyy who cares?!! shaitan, u cunning fellow...

id rather submit to God and be grateful, follow His commands and strive to please Him only...because He created me and He knows best and i am convinced at the reasons behind everything that He has commanded...

oh and this part of this verse is becoming my fav...

"...But it may happen that you dislike a thing which is good for you, and it may happen that you love a thing which is bad for you. And Allah knows and you know not." (Surat al-Baqarah: 216)

2009-05-23T21:22:00.000-07:00

no more shisha..

no more vodka...

no more bacardi...

no more long island tea...

no more vulgarities...

astaghfirullah...i cannot comprehend all that i have done...foolish...shameless...ungrateful...

2009-05-22T11:50:00.000-07:00

why turn away from the TRUTH??

last night, rev and i were on the phone, supposedly to discuss our project.

but we ended up talking for 2 hours or so on religion.

rev wanted to know and it is my duty to share wad i know. after all, if i want to connect, i ask God everyday to open the hearts of my brothers, my cousins and my brothers and sisters all around the world so that they may seek and be willing to listen to all the truth in Islam.

i am glad that rev is a thinker and seeker.

my heart is filled with certainty because all of my questions, noone could answer, only Islam answers all, truly.

i hope everyone has the opportunity or blessing to discover Islam because some may not even want to find out more about this beautiful religion because of all the conditioning by wrong media portrayals or through what they may have heard. i say, think and seek for yourself. Islam is the answer.

"...But it may happen that you dislike a thing which is good for you, and it may happen that you love a thing which is bad for you. And Allah knows and you know not." (Surat al-Baqarah: 216)

I stayed away from tv and newspapers for a period of time. I chose to spend my time to think for myself and so i chose what to watch and what to read. So, i relied heavily on the internet.

Internet does not really save your soul completely because shaitan is just a click away. How accessible =P ~

But, i have the power to choose. At that time, i was still conditioned by all the nonsense and shallow beliefs that i have held for 22 years. Influence by the media.

Now, i switch on the tv, and i can tell myself which is nonsense and which is good for me. The nonsense riles me because it led me astray and it can lead anyone astray :'-(

media portrays humans with the ability to think and choose, behaving like animals, like monkeys and it is shown as COOL.

MY FOOT!

realisation can be overwhelming.

just some of the stuff that i am convinced about:

no man can be God and man does not have the right to be worshipped because even man was CREATED. who created man??? how do you pray to a man who was also created just like you? and you believe that divine, almighty God is a man just like you? you can only think to that point?

Muslims believe in one almighty God who can create something from NOTHING, who created You and the stars and the moon and the sky and the mountains and the sea and the plants and the animals, all with a purpose.

"We did not create the heavens and the earth and everything between them as a game. We did not create them except with truth but most of them do not know it." (Surat ad-Dukhan: 38-39)

we never evolved from apes. we never evolved. we have remained the same for millions of years. and if you want to believe that you evolved from APES, then there you go, with all the animalistic behaviours and the social problems and decline in moral values in today's society, there you go!

THE COLLAPSE OF DARWINISM IN EUROPE

Living Fossils

Ant fossil preserved in amber, some 100 million years old. No different from the ants in our day.

There is no difference between fossil life forms dating back hundreds of millions of years and their counterparts living today. This fact utterly disproves the evolutionary claim.

The theory of evolution argues that living things are in constant change, continuously developing through coincidences. The fossil record, however, indicates just the opposite. When we look at fossils, we see that there is no difference between life forms that lived hundreds of millions of years ago and their counterparts living today. Modern fish, reptiles and mammals are exactly the same as the fish, reptiles and mammals that appeared for the first time on the Earth. Some living species are driven to extinction, but no species has turned into another species.

This makes it clear that all living species were created by God to be quite distinct from each other, and they have not undergone any evolution since the day they were created.

CLICK HERE FOR MORE:

http://www.harunyahya.com/tellmeaboutthecreation20.php

2009-05-21T23:31:00.000-07:00

Islam is the solution to all the problems in today's society.

Islam has the answer to all of life's questions.

Islam is a way of life.

Islam is the truth.

La ilaha il Allah, Muhammad-ur-Rasool-Allah
(None has the right to be worshipped but Allah, and Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah)

2009-05-19T22:34:00.000-07:00

:'-) i have made up with my parents. my dad says he will sponsor me for a wardrobe makeover.

alhamdulillah. thank you God for answering my prayers right away :'-)

no words can describe this feelin....

i love You dearly.

2009-05-19T21:02:00.000-07:00

THE SIGNS OF THE LAST DAY

taken from www.harunyahya.com

The universe will one day definitely come to an end. Doomsday will inevitably come as revealed in the Qur’an in a verse "And the Hour is coming without any doubt ... (Qur’an, 22: 7) Together with keeping the time of Doomsday a secret from man, God revealed to the Prophet Muhammad certain events and portents that would indicate the time was approaching. In this film you will watch some of the main portents -from an increasing number of wars and anarchy to the destruction of great cities, from earthquakes to the developments in science and technology- revealed by God’s messenger that Doomsday is impending.

Watch this almost 45 min long video IF you care to think...(click on the 'Play' button)

2009-05-18T20:32:00.000-07:00

Islam means Submission

Recent days, i feel like a different person trapped in a completely different outer persona.

Sometimes, i cannot accept the person i see in the mirror because it does not reflect my current beliefs. I feel trapped. Inconsistent. Stuck.

Will i be able to one day shed this I-AM-JASIMA-AND-I-AM-ONE-OF-A-KIND adamance to become JUST-ANOTHER-HUMBLE-MUSLIMA?

Anyway, this draws me to the tudung-clad bitch i saw on the train the other day.

Early morning, sleepy-headed me was dozing off in the train. When i woke up, i saw this lady in tudung with her man (husband or boyfriend - wadeva, it duzen matter). They were hugging so tightly and the man was kissing her face passionately.

I do not think i would have much to say if she was not wearing a tudung because i am not living in a Muslim country and i cannot expect much modest behaviour here. But, she was wearing a tudung and it always seems to me that you are screaming I AM A MUSLIM and yet you behave in such a manner?

Another tudung-clad lady was clearly disturbed and angry by their behaviour. All she could do was give a fiery stare.

But the couple were in their own world. At times, with eyes closed and kissing away.

Well, if you have not gotten over the high of your night full of steamy passionate sex, then get back to your bedroom, draw the curtains and continue...

Do not get on the train in your tudung and perform a live porn show for all of us who are not interested.

At one point, the train got extremely crowded, sandwich-packed, yet the bitch continues. Eyesore. She might as well just wear a bikini. I will not be angry. I will just think you are like that and your behaviour is nothing suprising and i will just continue sleeping.

But then, you wore a tudung that screams "I AM A MUSLIM!!"

What la? I don't understand.

2009-05-17T23:56:00.000-07:00

blissful....

haha..i spoke to my bestie just now...im so happie for her...so happie that her mind has opened up now and she is seeing the light..i will continue prayin the same for all my friends = )

she even wants to take up diploma in islamic studies....mashaallah....it brings tears to my eyes to witness this change....just a mth back, we were wild and crazy, monkeying around as if there is no tomorrow, forgettin God and forgettin that our very existence is a blessing....sinning and swinging....aimlessly...only to go back into the dark hole of meaninglessness....

macik is also very alive and kicking just like we all hoped for...

and in the afternoon as i was briefly chattin with bibi, she was saying that ice cream anselm wud be visitin her...sooo cute..i was wishin in my heart that id have a kid come arnd too so that i can play with him...last sunday at least i kud play with arafat as i visited granny's for a short while..

just then, out of the blue, imran's mum called to say they wud be visiting = )

weeee so happiee....then came imran...

next ar rahman in the makin....

imran just left around 10.30pm....so glad to have him around hehe....but he treats me like his younger sister...wad 2 do~

im alittle angry with my parents. habib called awhile ago and we wanted to meet up for coffee. my parents did not allow me to go.

i do not understand. wen i am out earlier...i can come back home later than midnight and they wudnt say anything...i can even go overseas on my own...but i cant leave my house past 11...NO LOGIC!!! its the same isnt it??? i can be out and return late but i cannot leave my house late...im confused...seriously...

and this is not serangoon road...this is peaceful bukit batok....so peaceful and serene and Godly calm....i feel so safe n secure here UNLIKE serangoon road....damn~ i shall not go into details abt that place or every possible word in my vulgarity dictionary wud be used....

countdown: just 13 days left for my tioman trip...i can't wait and im hopin the swine flu duzen get to tioman....

2009-05-16T22:22:00.000-07:00

i hate it when i can't pray. i'm feelin so low and depressed :'- (

but i noe the skies would be clearer once this is over.

i just got to be patient...

2009-05-14T21:46:00.000-07:00

its like a movie to see and hear for myself that she is back exactly as we prayed for..

ish...she was talkin non-stop...she had loads to share about her experience...she was in such high spirits...she was joking non-stop....she kept using really inspiring words with such vigour and positive body language...

"i'm strong!"...

"i will come back!"...

"i'm the same old macik!"...

"i'm sorry i cannot remember your name...but give me hints...bibiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii"

"i'm so popular!"....

"i want you all to visit me to keep up my spirits!"...

and so much more...

sometime thru our convo, we were interupted by a therapist who asked her a few questions...when it came to "what is your address?"....she was wrong....ish....she mixed it up....but she kept trying to bring it back...kept trying to twist n bring it back...ish....im so moved...

could not stop the memories of her being our walking street directory...any place in singapore for which we do not know the street, we will find her and she can tell exactly...maybe with a short story about the place as a bonus....it even prompted me to joke with ai ling in the past that she used to be a taxi driver....ishh....

at one pt, bibi told her that we are lookin forward to readin her "it's friday!!" emails with those cute dancing images....

and as we were about to leave..she said she will come back to send those and shook her body like those cute images!!

ishhhh...im so moved...

i am supposed to feel extremely relieved now but then my heart feels so heavy instead.

i know why!! its that time of the month again!! lol~

need to zikr.

good nite = )

2009-05-13T22:39:00.000-07:00

Alhamdulillah, all is well.

There is so much i want to write about:

- More on what was discussed during my Saturday religious class.

- Mother's day adventure.

- A tudung clad bitch i saw on the train.

- My bestie's extremely surprising return to Islam.

- Western influence that is clouding and polluting all our minds (including MINE).

- The ill effects and bad influence of the media on society (which includes ME).

i am trying to reduce the amount of time i spend in front of the tv. so far, not bad.

even wen i tune to seemingly innocent discovery travel & living, i see a woman bringing home a chef while the husband is away in an apparent bid to cook up delicious surprise dinner. ok, that nvm. husband arrives and they have dinner together. he praises the food and the wife kisses the chef in front of the husband, to thank him. ha~

nothing wrong rite? yeah, that's what WE HAVE ALL BEEN BRAINWASHED TO BELIEVE IN THROUGH THE MEDIA.

22 years of such rotten information that i have processed. i need time to rework everything.

slowly, i just want to leave behind all these superficial shit that i have been programmed to believe in for a better life that is full of meaning and purpose.

anyway, my handphone battery is flat, my ipod battery is flat...and so is MY battery.

all needs to be recharged right now....

so, i'm hittin the bed....i can write next time...

Good Night.

2009-05-12T21:56:00.000-07:00

????????????????

i cannot think of a better title for this post. anyway, at 9.28pm last night, i set my facebook status as "Jasima Syed Sulaiman is feeling blissful and is going to hit the bed and sleep like a baby..."

i remember switching off my lamp at around 10.15pm and it seems i was fast asleep thereafter...

i woke up at 5.30am and was greeted with a shockin sms from nadiyah that she apparently sent at 10.37 pm. but i was already in deep sleep.

immediately after reading that sms, my room which felt so heavenly the night before, started to feel really gloomy and cold.

even if this sounds cliched...what can i do..."LIFE IS SO UNPREDICTABLE"

but, MACIK IS COMING BACK!!! =D

...

as we emerged from the lift and stepped into the ward, we were greeted by a familiar voice = ) repeatedly shouting "Macik dah kenal!". It was MACIK!!

I'm certain she said DAH and not TAK = ) .. even though nana n siti heard "tak". because, it was in a jubilant tone = ) really!! macik is very strong....she is a fighter!

she was in the process of being shifted back to the high dependency ward...

she seemed the same cute macik that we all know of = )

at the high dependency ward, we were waiting anxiously outside as the nurses were busy with her inside....we kept listening intently to hear her voice = )

each time she replied the nurses, i was filled with more n more hope = )

wen the doors opened, her relatives streamed in anxiously, pointing at one another for macik to identify...as macik slowly tried to recall and shouted out their names, one by one, their faces lit up and smiles filled the room = )

siti and yanti went in first...shortly after, i was pleased to hear macik shouting, "YANTIIIIII!" even though she mistook siti for nadiyah....see, she can remember Nadiyah!!

next to enter the room was me and nana. i went in and called out to her... "macik! macik!". she stared intently trying to make out who...probably because she wasn't wearing her glasses = ) .... i said "macik, jasima..."....she continued staringly intently, trying hard to process....again, probably because she wasn't wearing her glasses. her reactions made me feel really uncomfortable and i did not want her to try any harder...

i switched and started repeating to her "kecik! kecik!". that's how she affectionately calls nana all the time = ) few secs later, macik exclaimed "yang cik!!" ...thats exactly hw macik calls nana in office = )...i felt so relieved to hear that and so was nana....

macik is coming back. im very certain and filled with extreme hope, optimism and trust in God. i am very sure God will never turn us down, never. Whatever we ask for, he will make it happen. Our prayers WILL be answered and inshaallah, we WILL see macik back in office in about a week or so = )

i am lookin forward to tell macik the good news that i can finally call someone adik in office...=P

i am lookin forward to ask macik for coffee in the afternoon...

i am lookin forward to readin her inspiring emails which she NEVER FAILS to send...

i am lookin forward to listen to her sharin with us her experience at the hospital with no tinge of self pity just like she did the last time she returned after hospitalisation = )

i am lookin foward to updating my parents on yet another inspiring story of Macik, The Fighter heehee

2009-05-10T13:43:00.000-07:00

2009-05-09T22:56:00.000-07:00

Life's Lessons

I met Yanti again this morning for breakfast at my fav mac @ bb. Its really a great and refreshing way to start your day, eating breakfast like queens and chatting about good stuff.

We even saw a monkey that somehw found its way out of the dense greenery. It was so cute just like my cousin Arafat. =P Just could not stop noticing the similarities in their actions wahahahahaha!

Yanti was mimicking what she thinks the monkey must be thinkin while it did certain actions, LOL!! so funnie~

In the afternoon, i was surfing www.harunyahya.com that Yanti intro-ed me. Amazing and really interesting stuff there. Everyone should visit!

Then in the evening, i went for religious class with my parents and my tambi. I think this my first time for this year. Long break sia. But i certainly felt out of place. I do not know why.

Anyway, they spoke about Parenting today and emphasized the importance of parents to spend quality time with their children to create a friendly atmosphere where the child would feel comfortable to share his life events with them.

They gave examples like going out together and playing Islamic educational audio in the car and to hold friendly talks with them on Islam at nights before they go to sleep.

Precisely what we do at my home. Only that sometimes nowadays, I initiate it =P Anyway, this was what my parents did in the past and i'm glad to learn these good stuff from them.

When i was younger, my dad would buy us kid books on Islam and share lots of stories with us. Then, he would bring the whole family for every book fair and buy us books. Yup, that's how much he emphasized learning.

Over time, we started visiting IT fairs instead LOL.

But now, there is no need for all that. The value is already ingrained and i know i can and have to keep seeking knowledge for myself.

I feel blessed for such early exposure.

Such talks somehw remind me of how i was brought up and how i should repay these sort of selfless upbringing.

Is it by straying and swinging and having a wild fun time or by following the straight path and being kind and good?

Even Yanti said in the morning that wayward children sometimes hold back the parents from entering paradise.

Should we be the wayward child or the righteous one who would pray for God's blessings to be showered upon them?

Makes us think yea.

Only i know how many countless times shaitan whispered in my ears today. Tough tough tough but i'll keep trying anyway.

2009-05-07T22:32:00.000-07:00

anyway today was a bad day for me...and now, bad night also. as i am having extreme body pains...yea its back after a short break

although im feeelin soooo weak that i am typin this layin flat on my couch, i still noe i have to pray because this is a test....

wen all is well, i do...wen tings are not going well...will i still be patient n continue? its a test.

i read it in the holy Book yesterday that God rewards those who are patient....through all the tests that we are given...

now He is testin me if i wud apply what i read last night.

so no matter hw weak i am feelin or hw my legs tremble to stand for even a short moment or how i drop on my knees each time i want to sujud...i will still do it....i have to..its reli not worth it to feel the intense guilt afterwards if i dun do it....

my mum just massaged me....then i tink i need a warm shower also....ishhh im getting OLDDDDDDDDDDD haha!

2009-05-07T20:22:00.000-07:00

im feelin extremely tired and worn out...dunnoe why~....fell into deep sleep on the train....such deep sleep that wen i woke up, in a split sec i kud have broken out in a song....jason mraz' beautiful mess....yea, in the middle of the train...i dunnoe~ luckily i realised where i am quick enuff!....gosh...i was dat dreamy!!

2009-05-06T22:04:00.000-07:00

HOW WILL IT BE IF JASON MRAZ THOUGHT DEEPER?

wahahahahaha i feel good now and relaxed. im no longer angry. life is too short to be dwelling on such small issues.

our life has a higher purpose!

The following are just some parts of the lyrics to the beautiful song "Life Is Wonderful" by Jason Mraz. I have just added my lame comments in red on how it would be if he had thought deeper. If he did, he would have discovered God, you know =P

It takes a crane to build a crane
[It takes some metals and brains to build a crane. Metals and brains are gifts from God Almighty.]
It takes two floors to make a storey
[It takes brains to make the tools needed. It takes brains to design the 2 floors. It takes strength to build the 2 floors. Brains and strength are gifts from God Almighty.]
It takes an egg to make a hen
It takes a hen to make an egg
[It takes God Almighty to create such an amazing hen that can lay eggs that are food for us.]
There is no end to what I'm saying
[Yes, because you did not go to the real source of everything. God Almighty is the only one who can build something from NOTHING. Men do not CREATE, they MANIPULATE everything to benefit them. Only God Almighty is the creator.]

It takes a thought to make a word
[It takes brains to think. Brains are gifts from God Almighty.]
And it takes some words to make an action
And it takes some work to make it work
It takes some good to make it hurt
It takes some bad for satisfaction
[It takes emotions to feel hurt or satisfied. And emotions are gifts from God Almighty.]

Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la la life goes full circle
Ah la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la
[Yes, indeed life is wonderful and beautiful but remember to glorify the creator, God Almighty]

It takes a night to make it dawn
And it takes a day to make you yawn brother
[God Almighty is the designer of day and night.]
And it takes some old to make you young
It takes some cold to know the sun
[It takes feelings to feel old or cold. Feelings are gifts from God Almighty.]
It takes the one to have the other

Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la la life goes full circle
Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la
[Yes, indeed life is wonderful and beautiful but remember to glorify the creator, God Almighty]

Last but not least, it is God Almighty's favours, blessings and gifts that has made this song such a hit. So, forget Him not.

Allahu Akbar!

2009-05-06T20:49:00.000-07:00

OVER CONFIDENCE

as i go to sleep every night after reading the words of God...i feel truth and more truth and guidance and more guidance...and answers and more answers...

its amazing how we sometimes take certain magic for granted...bypass certain signs without taking notice...go thru life without questioning nor reflecting...

like some reli closed people....one example:

**** can actually keep doing something really irritating to all of us. and when someone else does that same ting to **** in front of my eyes, **** can still tell me "oh my gosh hw can she do dat...so rude....its sooo frustrating!"....OMIGOSH!! COME ON!! YOU DO THAT TO US ALL THE TIME!! U MEAN U DON'T REMEMBER? OR YOU DON'T TAKE STOCK OF YOUR ACTIONS? OR YOU NEVER KNEW YOU DID THAT? HOW HOW HOW HOW HOW???

how come got such people?????????????? SOOOOOOOOO AMAZING

gosh...now my temper rising....muz COOL...COOOOOOOOOOOL....COOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

i better go shower now n cool down....afterall, this is a small matter but im just wondering HOW COME SOMEONE CAN BE SOOOO CLOSED AND NEVER NOTICE THEIR OWN ACTIONS AT ALL???

COMPLETELY NO INTEGRITY!

2009-05-05T23:22:00.000-07:00

just returned awhile ago after meeting yanah. we dispersed earlier than usual as both of us were damn sleepy.

but before i sleep!!! i need to share yet another sign from God ;-)

i stepped into my house and was shocked to see teh tanni bhai....aiyah thats hw i been makin fun of him to ma dad in his absence =P

reli, i tot teh tanni bhai cant even speak english. but he was preaching to my dad at length in english.

wen he left, he told ma dad, "never expected huh to stay so long." he and his wife visited at 9 to invite us for their daughter's wedding but he ended up talking till 11 about Islam.

i was ironing my clothes in the living room and its inevitable not to hear his words. they make sense ok?

he was saying that people these days do not think. you need to think. its true what! and he said that the Quran can be easily understood by anyone as its available in every language and there is no excuse. you need to seek to find. true what! and lots more la...but my mind is shutting down.....ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

anyway, it IS God's words! God is speaking to us. Catch the signs before its too late!!

good night! i love God and He loves me!

2009-05-05T20:41:00.000-07:00

lookin back at my mood diary, i find that its indeed miraculous - the power of faith!

i sprained my neck again! tink its becomin a monthly affair. becomin so used to turning like cacat....

okie nw im off to chill with yanah! (at marsiling mr teh tarik - halal ok?)

believing in Allah and the last day fills my heart with hope and optimism.

2009-05-04T22:22:00.000-07:00

i am disappointed.

my comp's haywire.

i mite have to restore it back to factory settings.

that means, i be losing everything that i set up for the project.

sighz....i feel like crying....

it means i need to go back to square 1.

and i can't recall what all i have done to make it work.

anyway, i'll take it as a lesson to backup my project files and log all the steps along the way so that i can redo it anytime with ease.

now, i am lost. i dunnoe where to start.

but, this can't stop me. i will redo it!

its like a wake up call to be more cautious. imagine if it all went *poof!* and gone when we are 3 quarter way through?!

i'll be fine...yes, i will be.

2009-05-03T22:50:00.000-07:00

just returned from a road trip with dad. i was the driver only for the first 20 mins. then, i got tired. its stressful to drive for me. some sort of phobia, just can't seem to get rid of it. maybe i should really just frame up my license like my dad says.

so after that, i shifted to the passenger seat and told dad to drive on any higway. we went to tuas. the extremely wide road that would double as runway in times of emergency. i did not know such a thing exists.

i kept telling him to test the highest speed of the car as there were really no cars around. but he is soo just-follow-law.

i love to lay back and listen to music in motion. so, the road trip was really refreshing! wahahahaha~

why should i drive when i can just sit like a queen and have someone else drive me around?

just before our road trip, i was showin dad a few videos. one of it is the below one that yanti showed me. it scared the shit outta me. habib shares the same sentiment. but it makes u tink!!

dad and i were talking about alot of stuff. we were also talking abt yusuf islam. in fact, i wouldn't even know about him if not for dad. dad used to have a tape titled "Why Islam?" by yusuf islam. he wanted to attend yusuf islam's talk when he came to Singapore many years back but it was full house and he couldn't enter. so, he bought that tape that was sold outside the auditorium instead. TAPE? yea....n i spoilt it out of curiousity. you know those lousy old school tape players. its extinct in my home now.

shortly through our convo, he went to his room and returned with a Quran that has english translations and commentary. he said its mine. true, it is mine but i hardly touched it.

recently, wad i been readin is the iQuran on my ipod. but it doesn't have commentary.

again, i shall take that as a sign from God. i will read the Quran that dad just passed to me.

2009-05-03T00:40:00.000-07:00

i called Habib in the evening to check if he'd be free to meet up for coffee or something. he sounded moody and said he had plans so i made my own plans to work on my project instead.

i then went to pray Asar and asked God to help me stay strong in the path of truth this time round and never go astray once again.

right after my prayers, Habib called me again and invited me to dinner with his family. i kept rejecting and he cleverly passed the phone to his dad. i couldn't reject his dad and agreed. afterall, it could be God's blessings to put me in the company of the religious and righteous.

not that my own immediate family isn't religious. just that my parents went to attend a wedding. i did not wish to follow. and they were to pick up my grandma from granny's. if i do not wish to follow, my mum suggested me to stay at granny's and play with my kid cousins. i would love to do that. but besides that, i do not really like the company of my extended family for obvious reasons. detesting the message of God is their hobby. id rather stay away from such influences until my heart and knowledge is so strong that it will not sway to their side but rather be able to influence them to see the truth instead.

i had an enjoyable and delicious dinner at Al Azhar @ Bukit Timah with Habib's mum, dad, sis, bro, aunt, uncle and cousin.

after that, Habib sent his family home and we went off to bukit batok mc cafe (becomin a fav hangout spot for me) to talk over tea and coffee. i tried Yanti's favourite Himalayan Tea, not bad.

it was there that i found out the reason for Habib's moodiness earlier in the evening. told him my personal stories of people in situations worst off than his. hope he feels better now. thereafter, as usual, he was teaching me and telling me alot of things that he knows about Islam.

once, he even said that he feels that we should devote our life to God. i'm truly amazed that a friend i grew up with, whom i knew so well since young, has come to a point of maturity to say such stuff. and i know these claims are backed by strong knowledge because of what he shares with me. i always knew Habib only as a playful boy. to experience this other side of him is really interesting. Subhanallah!

we were discussing about why some just so amazingly do not question the beautiful creations right in front of them and even themselves. maybe they do not even notice the beauty? the moon is extremely beautiful today. look out of your window if you have never taken the time to. then, think. how is it possible? who created it? ask yourself. think.

not to say everyone else, even ourselves. sometimes it is so easy to forget all these beauty amidst which we all live. been through that, i know. and only i know how deeply paranoid i am about being swayed again.

Auzu billahi mina’sh-shaytani’r-rajim (I seek refuge in Allah from the accursed shaitan)

2009-05-02T17:59:00.000-07:00

I began my day really early today. Was out of my house by 7am to meet Yanti. We went to Orchard, had breakfast at mac and then went to the travel agency to pay and confirm our Tioman trip. I really cannot wait! So hard to contain my excitement! God, please help me be patient =P countdown: 28 more days!!!

We had to meet early as Yanti's arabic classes start at 10.30am and the agency opens at 9am. We decided to meet even earlier for breakfast as well. I did not mind waking that early because i managed to say my Subuh prayers as well =P I sinfully slept through Subuh, Zuhur AND Asar yesterday. Felt so depressed when i woke up. Slap me, i let shaitan win me over.

I should ask myself, if i can wake up that early to stick to plan and meet a friend, it is definitely very possible to wake up and say my first prayer for the day.

As we tucked into our very yummy mac big breakfast, very knowledgeable Yanti was sharing with me so many interesting stories about the history of Islam. Really, Ms Yanti is like History teacher lol. "In 1948...." haha!

She reminded me of Yusuf Islam's The Life of The Last Prophet CD. Since i always can't wait, i went to purchase that CD on my way back home.

This spoken-word recording of The Life of the Last Prophet is the first official release by Yusuf Islam since his departure from the music business as Cat Stevens back in 1978. The biography is fully authenticated and approved by an international group of scholars and contains selected verses of the Quran, recited by the renonwned Egyptian Qari(reciter), Shaikh Muhammad Al-Minyaoui. It also includes the song Tala'a al-Badru Alayna, and a beautiful rendition of the adhan(call to prayer). - extracted from amazon.com

I have finished listening to it. What a refreshing way to share the story of our last Prophet! Its complete with background sounds and all. You just get carried away into another world...

I am going to listen to it again...and again....

Don't think there will be anymore wake up calls for me. I shall make full use of this second chance i have been given. This second chance that has unsealed my heart yet again to see and feel the truth.

Missing my prayers is going to make me forget again. I cannot afford that.

Every second i'm afraid that i would sway back into the arms of shaitan. Hopefully, that would help me be conscious of everything that i think of, say and do until i grow so strong in following the true path that i never look back again, ever.

Now, its time to work on our project! Hopefully, i can come up with something good tonight ;-)

2009-05-02T00:41:00.000-07:00

Wake up! Open your eyes and see! Ask yourself! Think! This IS a beautiful song...

God is the Light
By Yusuf Islam

How great the wonders of the heavens
And the timeless beauty of the night
How great – then how great the Creator?
And its stars like priceless jewels
Far beyond the reach of kings
Bow down for the shepherd guiding him home.

But how many eyes are closed
To the wonder of this night?
Like pearls, hidden, deep beneath a dark
Stream of desires.
But like dreams vanish with the call to prayer
And the dawn extinguishes night – here too are signs.
God is the Light - God is the Light

How great the beauty of the Earth and the creatures
Who dwell on her.
How great – then how great the Creator?
As its mountains pierce the clouds
High above the lives of men
Weeping rivers for thousands of years.

But how many hearts are closed
To the wonders of this sight?
Like birds in a cage, asleep with closed wings
But like work stops with the call to prayer
And the birds reside – here too are signs
God is the Light – God is the Light

How great the works of man and the things he makes
How great – then how great the Creator?
Though he strives to reach the heavens
He can barely survive
The wars of the world he lives in.

Yet, how many times he’s tried,
Himself to immortalise?
Like his parents before him in the Garden of Eden
But like the sun sets with the call to prayer
And surrenders to the night here too are signs
God is the Light Everlasting
God is the Light Everlasting
God is the Light Everlasting
God is the Light Everlasting

2009-04-30T00:34:00.000-07:00

Cat Stevens' transition to Yusuf Islam

i'm having a severe migraine but seems like i can't get to sleep.

was chatting with Yanti till about an hour ago and really, there is so much to talk about Islam...we were endlessly exchanging links and vids...then i remembered the above documentary i watched sometime back...i just finished watching it again and it still reduces me to tears, tinkin of how sincere this man is....how completely he submits to our faith...

i look at myself as a recent convert too. because, i have felt that i was just "born" into this religion and suddenly forced to "follow suit". it does not work that way. until you discover on your own because of your own thirst and quest for understanding why you are here, you can never find out the truth.

i must say its been really refreshing to have conversations sharing knowledge on our faith with Habib and Yanti.

in this steel and concrete world, i always long to have such deep convos.

unfortunately, sometimes its made to seem like *taboo* or i am made to seem like unfit for such convos.

hey come on, am i preaching? we are learning, sharing, growing....let us be....

2009-04-28T22:50:00.000-07:00

Because i never feel lazy to reflect on myself,
I always find faults that i need to rectify.
I never think i am perfect.
For its being imperfect that makes my life most interesting.

Knowing that i'm imperfect is one thing.
Wanting to correct myself is another thing.
Acting to correct myself is yet another thing.

Its to You that i submit, completely.
Its You whom i trust, completely.

You haver never let me down.
You have always listened to me.

Sometimes, i just fail to see and connect the dots.
When i really do, i just feel amazed and deeply remorseful.

I sincerely love You.

2009-04-27T23:55:00.000-07:00

Forgive Me

When i felt extremely lonely and cried to you on my knees,
You pointed me to my friends and filled me with joy
When my social life went back on its feet,
I got lost in the high of things
I tried new stuff and lost my footing
I went so high up in the sky,
I failed to notice who blessed me with new life
Though i never forgot you,
All i managed was a sincere thanks in my heart
But, i failed to follow the paths you so clearly set out
Thinking that sincere remembrance and thanks would do
All it left me with, is an empty spirit...

Forgive me God and please accept me once again.

2009-04-27T22:29:00.000-07:00

I AM COMING BACK! I NO SHAME! ITS OK!

Habib just knocked alot of sense into me...
Which i cannot disagree =P
And i cannot believe how come somebody became too matured too fast =P
Think even i stopped growing mentally, somewhere along the way =P

I put my ego in my cupboard already...so i not embarassed to reproduce portions of our conversation here OK!

....

habib says:
u can put a lot of trust on tat small medication
u cannot trust the God who created u ah??

....

i dunnoe how to answer that leh =P how????

....

habib says:
ok sure
this is a testing world
understandthis first
our life here is freaking short
God gv us a lot of sorrows

Life Is Beautiful says:
ok...

habib says:
its how we take it
even prophets wen thru all kind of troubles
den wad abt us
its how u believe n spread islam

.....

ok tooooooooot...i no comments la. i noe many have told me before. but this person makes more sense and corner me such that i cannot deny, at a loss for words. so i going to follow ok.

then, here comes the best part:

habib says:
there is many way in islam
some muslim thinks only their way is ryte
we do zhikr in dark
they say wrong

Life Is Beautiful says:
ya
but cannot meh
like u said
its hw we see it

habib says:
if you do in dark u tend to concentrate more
habib says:
wat if we on the lights tat day i do zhikr
habib says:
we will b looking at each other n won b concentrating
habib says:
one fellow tat tym lyk tat
tok so much
say cnt do zhikr in dark all
habib says:
i ask him one thing he cnt ans

Life Is Beautiful says:
wad u ask

habib says:
i ask him u can watch in movie in cinema in dark but cnt do zhikr in dark

2009-04-26T22:27:00.000-07:00

Fire! Fire! Fire!

We had a surprise birthday party for our aunt today. Unfortunately, even more surprising, or rather, very shocking, was that a fire broke out in the midst.

Nuzzy and Ismad had catered food from Brinda's. An employee from there was setting up the buffet trays and placing the candles below the trays. Just then, we suspect, the liquid from his lighter spilled and an explosion occured. The fire grew fierce rather quickly, burning the man's hands, his shirt and the clothes of Ismad, Nuzzy and my uncle.

When the fire first started, my eyes were still fixed on the teevee. Even when i heard a commotion, i thought it was the usual noise my family makes. But then, i heard Ismad screaming and got a shock to see a fire.

The fire was spreading quickly as the candles were placed on a table cloth. Many were too shocked to react. Some brought water in small buckets which was useless. 1 of my uncles soon brought enough water to extinguish the fire completely.

Luckily, my uncle, Ismad and Nuzzy were not hurt. Even more luckily, my little cousins were nowhere near the fire at that time. Usually, they always crowd around the food. God saved us.

The poor Brinda's employee was hurt quite badly. Both his hands were burnt. We didn't realise the extent of his injuries until we saw him standing at the basin, running water over his hands for a long time. I offered ice to him but he still did not want to remove his hands from the running water. I could see he was in extreme pain.

Waris and I rushed down to buy Burnol to ease his pain. Nuzzy then called his boss to inform. He drove here and there was no way he could drive back as both his hands were badly burnt.

His boss arrived later, assessed the damages and brought the injured man back. Hope he is alright now.

Phew~ what an unpleasant surprise the fire caused. We had to try our best to play down the shock that we suffered so that my aunt for whom the party was for wouldn't be too caught up with the events. She is usually one who would take these stuff very seriously.

Anyway, the party went on afterwards with the usual fun and laughter. Glad that it did not end up more serious.

The last time, during a birthday party for Nuzzy at this same house, Arafat fell and injured his head badly. He still bears the scar!

We just have to be more cautious next time. Shit happens! Accidents happen!

It just goes to show how vulnerable we are. Accidents can happen in a snap. You never know when its your turn. Got to be prepared.

2009-04-26T15:57:00.000-07:00

Sufism: Struggle With One's Nafs

(extracted from
http://www.uga.edu/islam/sufismstruggle.html)

The behavioral absolutes of the shari'ah (Islamic law) set the outer limits that the Sufi must keep within. But the Sufi struggle with one's nafs puts further curbs on the Sufi's behaviour and consciousness. Usually this struggle is spoken of as having two dimensions: negation (nafy) and affirmation (ithbat), corresponding to the two components of the first shahadah (testification of faith), La ilaha (There is no deity) and illa Allah (except for God). In reference to the two kinds of effects of the dominance of the nafs mentioned above, the "negation" can be said to take the form of attempting
• to control oneself from acting out one's anger or gratifying addictions,
• to negate the thought that one will find fulfillment through these means,
• to negate the sense that one cannot escape one's depression, and
• to give up imagining that God is absent.
The "affirmation" can be said to take the form of embracing and engaging the presence of God in whatever form it may appear within one's consciousness--even in the form of the thoughts that "God is absent," "I am depressed, or "I am distant from God." This unconditional embrace of the presence of God is simply called taslim in Muslim languages. This word is cognate with and is at the root of the word "Islam," and in light of the meaning expressed here, I have translated it as "engaged surrender."

In this regard, the struggle with one's own nafs has been called the greater struggle or greater "holy war" (al-jihad al-akbar) in contrast to the lesser struggle (al-jihad al-asghar), which is against injustice and oppressors in this world. The concept derives from the popular hadith of the Prophet, in which he said to Muslims returning from a battle, "You have returned from the lesser struggle to the greater struggle." And he was asked, "What is the greater struggle?" He answered, "The struggle against one's self (nafs), which is between the two sides of your body." Needless to say, in Sufism these two struggles are mutually reinforcing and occur simultaneously. In particular, the practice of "engaged surrender" in the "greater" struggle with one's own nafs diminishes certain obstacles in the consciousness of the Sufi, obstacles that--if not stuggled against--will hinder the Sufi's capacity to engage in the "lesser" struggle in their life in the world.

An early text on the struggle with one's self is the treatise Jihad al-nafs, written by the al-Hakim al-Tirmidhi (d. 932). (Fixed, 1 October 2000.)

Another treatise on the struggle with the nafs is al-Ghazali's jihad al-nafs. This is taken from his masterpiece Ihya' 'ulum al-din (The Revival of the Religious Sciences). Al-Ghazali (d. 1111) is one of the most well-known Islamic scholars and is often credited with establishing the orthodoxy of Sufism. A substantial biography of al-Ghazali (link fixed 20 August, 2005) emphasizing his contribution to Islamic philosophy is by the scholar, Kojiro Nakamura. A short biography of Al-Ghazali is present in the online Encyclopedia Britannica (but only a few paragraphs are online unless the reader has a paid subscription to the Britannica, which libraries often have, or which individuals can obtain for free though a 14-day subscription). (Link fixed, Jan. 1, 2002.)

See also Jihad al-akbar, an except from the book Islamic Beliefs and Doctrine According to Ahl al-Sunna: A Repudiation of "Salafi" Innovations written by the contemporary Naqshbandi, Shaykh Hisham Kabbani. In this online article, the author discusses the idea of the struggle against one's self, the "greater jihad" (al-jihad al-akbar), paying particular attention to the various evidence from hadith literature. Note that at the beginning of the excerpt a reference is made to the "above Hadith." It is possible that the hadith in question is the hadith on the "greater jihad" that I have mentioned above.

In spite of strong arguments for the idea that the greater jihad is the jihad against the self, Muslim militants and Wahhabis resist such a concept and attempt to invalidate it on the basis of hadith criticism and the conviction that relegating warfare to the status of "lesser jihad" gives it far less significance than it should have in Islam. See the article Greater and Lesser Jihad (fixed 20 February 2008) by a certain Abu Fadl and on line originally at Nida ul-Islam (The Call of Islam), a website supportive of al-Qaeda.

A contemporary discussion of jihad from a Sufi perspective is expressed in the essay The Spiritual Significance of Jihad by Professor Seyyed Hossein Nasr of George Washington University.

2009-04-26T00:19:00.000-07:00

When intoxication means compromising your self respect, say "No" to yourself...

It is soo hot these days lol...

But im lovin it...

I only complain when i have to sleep...

I am just relaxing right now...

Been spending so much time in my room that its been a week since i really spoke to my family...

2009-04-25T22:42:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, you want it a certain way but God wills another.

But it could be better. Anyway, managed to work around it.

I am tired.

I still need to draw up a detailed and organized plan for the remaining parts of our project.

Have not started to work on it. I should aim to finish it by the end of next week.

I need to go with the flow of my mood until i recover. There is no other way.

Everything else is better than ending it all. I won't. I will carry on...

2009-04-24T19:25:00.000-07:00

Racist Pariahs

[DISCLAIMER: In this post, i am not against the Malays. I am against RACISTS. Fyi, my best friend is a MALAY and i have nothing against MALAYS! But i have alot of things against RACISTS because i cannot understand them. I am so proud of my race that i just cannot comprehend racists. Its almost like racists are uncivilised barbarians from i-don't-know-which-century. I cannot connect with them and i never think any race is better or more powerful than any other race. RACE IS NEVER AN ISSUE FOR ME!]

I am feeling too numb today to feel much. But anyway, this is what happened...

This morning when i was about to board the train at Gombak station, i was taunted by 4 Malay boys in ITE uniforms. They were shouting racist remarks at me. I did not notice at first as i was deeply immersed in the songs on my ipod. When i did notice, i did not bother to react or even look at them. I just walked in to the train and then looked up to see just who they were. They were having fun. My brain was still half asleep to react. Might seem like a sore defenseless loser yeah?

But, what can i do? It is 4 against 1. What can i possibly say? In the first place, i think they are really stupid and childish. Too stupid that i don't think i would make sense to them because i think i am way way way more intelligent than them. It is like, i feel that i should not be explaining myself or wasting my time confronting such lowly people. I so look down on them. Hmmm i think of them like the dirt at the soles of my shoes. Really not worth talking to. Think they can smell and kiss my feet = )

Anyway, i don't really feel bitter about it. Just thought how things would have been if only i had my friends with me. Perhaps, they would not even dare to or think of saying anything. Too bad i was alone.

Come on, just because i may look young, maybe younger than them [i am so proud of that B-)], does not mean that they can attempt to victimize me.

Well, i know that i may look weak at times alright. But, do not attempt to victimize me. It is massive gayness. If i had my friends with me, it could have become a riot ok? Be careful of what you say, my dear lowly creatures.

I do not know if its just my size or what? Do i really look so gullible? I know that even my kid cousins bros and sisters all overpower me and treat me like they are older than me. But i don't mind my kid cousins because although they may bully me at times, they also protect me ok! By the way, I am 22 and gainfully employed ok! Unlike you pariahs! Kiss my feet!

Just so surprised that racist creatures still exist in Singapore. So surprised! Just imagine how uneducated they must be? Or maybe they were imprisoned in a loo for many years and were just released? So unreal!

Still don't understand...

2009-04-24T00:24:00.000-07:00

i just want peace in my heart...
and a stable mood throughout...
being a bollywood movie can be tiring you know...
everyday is a rollercoaster ride...
chaos deep inside...

2009-04-22T22:23:00.000-07:00

i'm on cloud 9

IT WORKS! IT WORKS! AND NOW I'M FIRED UP TO MAKE IT ALL WORK!!

rev and i planned the completion of our first task by end of the month. i started off knowing nuts. but today, after exactly 11 days of research, trial and error, pissed off-ness and all, its done!

that's extremely encouraging for me! i'm all motivated to go on to the next step. step by step we gonna make it all work! yeah!

love you God, MUACKZZZZZZZZZZZz

i took leave today just because i had no mood to work. but in the end, its well worth it! i accomplished a few things and i am so proud of myself B-)

1) rested my mind, lifted my mood.
2) accomplished our first task!
3) cleaned and polished my guitars thoroughly. they now sparkle!
4) cleaned my keyboard and polished my fibreglass bar stool.
5) tidied my room.

i just hope that tomorrow my mood would be stable enough to function well at work too!

now, i am so in love with this boy wonder Mahesh Raghavan. he does great justice to Rahman's masterpieces! and this is simply mind blowing:

2009-04-22T11:39:00.000-07:00

Bible also says Women should cover their heads

Since i am so free and to distract my mind, i shall write about this new discovery (at least for me).

I was watching the late Sheikh Ahmed Hussein Deedat on YouTube the other day and came across a video where he answers an Australian lady who asked "I've been told that Women in Islam wear a veil because in this way men would treat them respectfully but i see the veil as a form of oppression because why should they have to cover themselves because of the way men conceive them? Shouldn't they be treated with respect regardless? Could you pls explain the veil and did Mary have to wear a veil?"

Although i really want to but I am NOT going to reproduce the video in my blog because it could be very offensive to some, even myself at first =P (because, i also do not cover my head!). But, i cannot disagree with him also because it is true what? So, if you are curious, just search for "Ahmed Deedat talking about women in the west" on YouTube.

He is hilarious and knowledgeable and thus, worth watching!

After watching that, i went to research and found that it is in fact true. I found a Christian website saying that = ) Here goes: http://lcf-la.org/teachings/does_headcovering.html (if you are afraid Ahmed Deedat would just RILE you, then just read this alright)

So, my personal opinion of all these is just this:

People all around the world see Muslim women as oppressed because they cover their heads. But, this is because they know that such a rule exists. Most of the world is still perhaps unaware that even the Bible says the same! So, even Christians tend to pity or look down on Muslim women without knowing their own Holy texts?

As for me, i do not cover my head because i do not even pray. So, worthless questioning further.

And, i am not preaching, just sharing, because i can't be a Muslim if i do not adhere to the 5 main obligations of Islam.

As for now, i am just a Muslim by name.

In any case, even if i were to return to prayers, which i would soon, i still don't think i would cover my head, anytime soon. Because, it is just the way i see it. Why do some Muslim women cover up and some do not? It is just their own interpretations of the Holy Quran.

Those who are very fearful and very cautious and do not wish to take any chances, they would want to follow every rule in the Book. As for me, i just want to be very moderate and as long as i feel i am modest and good, i do not see the need to be overly cautious. But, it also goes to show that, i have not reached the stage of being extremely fearful of God.

Of course right? If not, i wouldn't err at all. That takes time ok? You mean you can become extremely fearful overnight? It takes time because it takes knowledge of one's own religion.

I know of people who don the head scarf for fear of their parents or boyfriends or husbands and to please them only. Unfortunately, i also do not fear any of those i just mentioned. And, i only want to wear the head scarf for fear of God because i am His creation. Until my heart grows more fearful of those which i need to fear, i only want to wear my headphones. I am sorry.

Strictly adhering to a religion takes not only a strong belief in the knowledge of the religion but also an even stronger spiritual connection. I admit, i lack both.

2009-04-22T10:36:00.000-07:00

only the happy me will mingle and be merry...

the moody me should be imprisoned...

thus, i shall remain in my room...

2009-04-20T23:00:00.000-07:00

oh wtf. just when i feel completely alone and miserable and like nobody can ever feel what i feel or understand what i am going through...i come across someone who felt the same way and uses the exact same words as me to describe what he felt....amazing indeed.

hey listen up, this is all i ever needed ok?

someone out there who actually felt the same way i do and describes what he felt with the exact same words i used...thatz immense relief to my worn out and longing soul...just knowing that is enough for me. i don't need any more help from all the normal fucktards out there who can continue to condemn me. CONDEMN! IGNORE! LEAVE ME TO ROT AND DIE ALONE! LAUGH WITH ME BUT NEVER CRY WITH ME!

i will fight this now alrite. i am not the only one. knowing that is huge relief beyond explanation.

***whether u read the below article or not is none of my business. but if you do not bother to read than you are just very shallow indeed***

extracted from: http://news.pacificnews.org/news/view_article.html?article_id=64c087b95310573d83c2568d20fb053b

I am a 26-year-old Irish American who converted from Christianity to Islam in order to save myself.

Although I never had a problem taking the Prophet Jesus as a role model for a way of life, I needed more specific guidance with day-to-day behavior -- my own was out of control. After studying Jainism, Buddhism and Hinduism, I concluded that the example of the Prophet Muhammad served as a blueprint for a comprehensive spiritual life.

And that saves me. Literally.

Let me explain. When I turned 14 I was put in a psychiatric ward for my out-of-control behavior. I felt high and acted on any impulse as though it were a fabulous idea. I would try to kiss girls I just met, as if we had been going out for a long time. Not a good idea.

Then the pendulum would swing from high and energetic to low and depressed. I found no pleasure in anything. I wanted to sleep all the time, and, far worse, I wanted to die. I slit my wrists several times.

First I was diagnosed with "paranoid-schizophrenia," a label psychiatrists give you when they're not sure what your problem is. Later I found out I was bipolar. "Bi" means two, and "polar" means extreme. Trying to have any kind of relationship, a job -- a regular life -- while shuttling back and forth between two extreme moods has been the biggest struggle of my life.

Many of those who knew me treated my episodes as immature misbehavior and blamed me instead of my illness for my antics. I remember getting fired from a pizza shop job in less than a week for my manic behavior. I would talk a-mile-a-minute, like Robin William on stage, while I rang up customers.

If that sounds funny or even romantic, that's not how it feels. Mania might be fun, but the ensuing depression is pure hell. It sneaks up on you like the devil, insidiously. I remember staring at something innocuous, like a coffee table, and suddenly being overwhelmed by the conviction that life is meaningless.

Western medicine may help, but it does not cure me. Medication was mandatory at the adolescent psychiatric ward in San Jose. We had seven group therapy sessions a day, chores, wretched meals, and then medication time. As the shrinks mixed and matched my meds I felt as if I were wading through thick oatmeal.

Eventually, outside the mental institution I found something that finally helped me with being bipolar: Islam.

I'd always felt, deep down, that my illness had something to do with my soul. Western medicine -- drugs and therapy -- could, therefore, never cure me. How could it when it does not even recognize that I have a soul? Islam, on the other hand, taught me how to purify my soul from disease through a science called Sufism, a holistic system of diet, belief, law and social structure. Islam gave me a sense of personal responsibility that chemical-dependent Western psychiatry did not.

I found the emphasis on reciting certain invocations to God most helpful. In order to protect themselves from demonic elements that can do harm, followers of Islam recite prayers. The discipline and the act of praying helped me deal with my mania directly.

When that mania comes around, I feel like I'm surrounded by a dozen cops, all hurling accusations and insults at me. So I pray. I listen to and believe in the words that I utter. I grow lucid and peaceful and calm, and then -- click -- I am.

Reciting prayers, though, may not be for people who just want to deal with mental distress. And I'm not at all suggesting that people go off their medications just yet. There are prerequisites to the effectiveness of the practice, such as the belief in what one recites. And it's about more than just prayer: a strict life is a must. Avoidance of pork and intoxicants, as well as a supportive, mosque-based community are crucial parts of being Muslim.

Dealing with mental illness is a lifelong struggle, but now I feel that I am finally in control. I have a soul. And Islam teaches me how to purify it.

PNS contributor Christopher Patrick Nelson, 26, writes for Silicon Valley De-Bug (www.siliconvalleydebug.com), a PNS publication by young workers, writers and artists in Silicon Valley.

2009-04-20T22:30:00.000-07:00

what am i supposed to feel? lol.

i feel like everyone has given up on me.
leaving me alone to die with my miserably untouchable disease.
but anyway, i won't die as yet, you know.
i will fight.

i can be all alone, with no one to share with because the whole world can think its nonsense.
only i will know.

but so?
can that overwhelm me?
i can be self sufficient ok?

don't need anyone.

doors shut. fuck off ;-)

2009-04-20T00:11:00.000-07:00

shisha night @ arab st

we had a lepak session over dinner and shisha at arab st. minus shafs. sighz...last min she had to withdraw as her hubby was ill. wad 2 do...tings will definitely be different as compared to wen u were single. we totally understand so shafs you really do not have to feel guilty. we will have a bigger blast at nebo cafe inshaallah

on our way there, habib !bhaiyya was letting me listen to all his zikir sessions. so influential. nxt session is at his house coming Friday. i mite join in. he says i will feel better. but i have keyboard class, we'll see...

we had grape shisha at first...

habib was smoking shisha like a dragon with smoke all over and he taught us to do the same. cuz only then u can get a headrush.

however, a couple of middle eastern giants then dropped in and they were smoking in such a relaxed fashion...

we were wondering how come our coal was off sooo fast and we were tastin the coal too fast....the taste and pleasurable sensation of smoking grapes juz died off too fast....

so we thought it had finished and ordered another strawberry shisha...we did the same and too soon, we were startin to taste the coal again...we were coughing...

the middle eastern giants were still smoking in a relaxed fashion with not much smoke around them and they didn't cough even once...

we were wondering why and tried to do the same....

lol then we realised that we had not even finished the grape shisha yet...we smoked slowly and could feel the pleasurable taste and sensation of the grape and the strawberry....although no head rush but still very pleasurable...

the middle eastern fellas muz have wondered how come our area was sooooo filled with smoke...tink soon they wud have called for the firemen....it was dat smoky...lol~

halfway thru our lepak session, habib turned quiet as he was reading the chapter on Repentance (At-Taubah) from the iQuran in my iPod. i peeped and then i too started to browse thru that...ismad got irritated and commented that Jasima was having a shisha pipe in her mouth and the iQuran in her hands....only then did i even realise...we are so silly~

the funny thing is that...no matter how we err or how wild and crazy we may seem, there is a soft spot for songs with meaning and divine inspiration....n that means nasheeds and qasidas and qawwalis....n thats precisely wad habib !bhaiyya and I were listening to and fro...

and i'm not the least bit shy or embarassed about the kind of music that i'm most attracted to = ) so what? it's most coolest to me...COOLEST B-)

*never judge a book by its cover ok*

2009-04-19T16:59:00.000-07:00

habib pandi just woke up...

we are all ready and waiting...

too bad me n my friends all sleep like logs...

had to call his sis...then his mum...to wake him up!

if he still haven't wake up, i might have called his bro, his dad, his uncles...everyone....lol

he shall be excused because of his night shift!

now i have to kill time....such a beautiful weather today =P...fuckin hot! but i love it such!

2009-04-19T03:23:00.000-07:00

my mood swings...

like a raging pendulum that has just been suspended from such a height...

it then gets slower...

and slower...

and slower...

and comes to a standstill...

and then its again suspended from such a height...

it then gets slower...

and slower...

and slower...

i now wonder when i will let it remain at a standstill for eternity...

try being me...

n u wud then understand the complexities of everything that i have to fight...

its my wish to find someone who feels the same way i do...

to share and grow...

but unfortunately, i can't...

n thus, i am still left wondering....

wondering why i cant be sane and stable...just like everyone else.

kill me.

2009-04-19T00:30:00.000-07:00

just returned from the airport a while ago...

after waking in the evening, i was raring to go out...
asked yanah...she already had plans...
asked rev...she too already had plans...
was wondering who to call next....
n just at the right time, i recd an sms..."want to go airport?"
it was Alvin...
i jumped with excitement and called him immediately heehee
i completely forgot about Alvin =P
we just walked around and ate at Popeyes
Alvin is soo excited as he is finally going to live his dream of becoming an air steward
and thus his love affair with the airport...

supposed to meet shafs n ismad today but it has been postponed to tomorrow...
hopefully habib wakes up in time for our meet!

2009-04-18T17:04:00.000-07:00

i live the life of a cat...

i woke up for a brief moment at 1 plus & did something to my blog n facebk...

then went back to sleep & woke up at 4pm...

dad came back home at 4, saw me eating breakfast and said i do not follow local timing...

actually at arnd 12 plus, my mum tried to wake me up...

half aslp, i said "relac la...will the breakfast be spoilt? or do i have anything urgent to do, like save the world? no right? so im going to continue zzzzzzzzzz"

after that she did not try to rouse me anymore....

wahahahahaha....

how nice to be a cat on weekends....

im still sipping my coffee slowly...

2009-04-13T23:54:00.000-07:00

if all it takes is an invigorating shower to recollect myself, calm my nerves and get back to my senses...then yeah i am alright now...heehee